Life with bipolar disorder: An online diary Part 10

4.14.00

Things haven't been going all to great lately. I'm frustrated with my work, my relationships, and with life in general.

My sleep went down hill again (yea - I know, nothing new here) and my mood seems to be following. I'm worried about the bipolar medications again. The fact that my mood isn't too stable, can't mean anything good. I am taking the bipolar medications regularly now, but maybe the fact that I didn't do so before managed to mess up their effectiveness. Or worse still, they weren't any good in the first place. I haven't been taking them long enough to know if they actually work on me. I might have taken them for nothing all along.

And then there's the dosage thingi-- I never did any blood work and therefore I have no idea whether the medications are even at a therapeutic level. My dosage it relatively low. I take 800 mg Depakote a day. I know from the time I was on Lithium that my metabolism was very fast, and that I needed high dosage of Lithium to reach therapeutic blood level. If this is the case with the Depakote as well, than I might not be as safe as I though I was.

The thing is, I really don't want to up the dosage. I don't want to start getting side-effects. I have other things to worry about right now. My appetite has been almost nonexistent the last few days (about a week-and-a-half) and I hardly eat. If this doesn't end soon, it will start showing on me. It's not that I mind the weight loss all that much - I don't :) - what I do mind it the dizzy spells I've been having. I almost blacked out 2 days ago, and the weakness messed up sleep and no food is a disastrous combination.

I'm on vacation now, so I have time to try and fix things before they get out of hand.

Still trying to figure out whether to tell my shrink about everything that's been going on lately. I don't think I will. He didn't prove to be much help last time.

Hey, well, that's life for you.

Trill

Sadness is almost never anything but a form of fatigue.
~ Andre Gide ~

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