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My "story" with this challenge, called
Agoraphobia, began about 37 years ago when I was a high school freshman in New
York City. The school year was just about to come to an end, when I noticed
myself feeling rather "odd" and uneasy in school. Prior to that time,
I was always an excellent student and very much at home in school. In fact, it
was more of a home than my home was.
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Summer vacation started, and like most kids, my friends and I intended to
get the most out of the luxurious days of summer. One day, in the dead heat of
the day, we decided to visit the Statue of Liberty; and, of course, climb all
the way to the top!
I remember feeling very closed-in and hot as I climbed up the arm of the
statue. Later, I felt dizzy, but being the typical indestructible teenager that
I was, I didn't pay attention to the symptoms. After we got home, I had dinner,
then went bowling. It was late and dark and I was exhausted, but it never
occurred to me that maybe I should rest.
Inside the bowling alley, suddenly the world seemed to go "black"
on me. I couldn't focus on anything or anyone and felt totally terrified. It
was as if I were an alien from another planet visiting the creatures on earth
as merely an observer of their life.
From that time until this present moment (with the exception of about a
two-year period in college), I've been challenged in one form or another, or to
one degree or another, with anxiety and/or agoraphobia. I had big plans for my
life. A consistent overachiever, I felt I was destined to be a doctor. With the
onset of the anxiety "problem," all of those hopes and dreams went
down the tubes.
I dropped out of high school for about two years, but managed to get back in
my senior year and graduated with my class. In college, I majored in both
psychology and sociology. I became a Psychiatric Social Worker, and later, a
mental health counselor for many years.
Unfortunately in those early years, not much was known about agoraphobia, so
for many, many years I went undiagnosed. I had to work to survive and soon
learned that having a few drinks would get me through the day. Naturally, in
the long run, drinking only added another problem to my pre-existing problem.
Thank goodness, when I moved to Florida in 1981, I discovered what I was
dealing with and enrolled in a self-help course. I also stopped drinking and
started living, but it was only the beginning.
This anxiety challenge is stress-related, as well as a product of our
self-talk and perception of the world around us. I've noticed a definite
correlation between suppression of feelings and the intensity of the anxiety
symptoms. When I can stay focused on "today," and deal appropriately
with today's reality, the symptoms are greatly reduced. I've learned the
invaluable lesson that it's okay to say "no" and that I don't know
what tomorrow will bring, and that's okay. I guess it comes down to living life
on life's terms.
Behavioral therapy combined with cognitive therapy seems to have worked best
for me. Removing myself from unhealthy interactions with people who weren't
meeting my needs didn't hurt either! I've tried medications from time-to-time,
with little success. I'm contemplating trying some of the newer ones in the
near future. Wish me luck!
Today, while I still have severe limitations territorially, my self-esteem
and self-confidence have grown enormously. I think most of that came from my
ability to totally accept " who" I am and "where" I am on
any given day. In my heart, I know that I do the very best that I can with each
day, and that's enough. I don't have a specific goal that I'm trying to figure
out how to achieve, but rather I put one foot in front of the other and see
where it leads me.
Additionally, developing my spirituality has offered me a great source of
enlightenment. Believing that all things have a reason, and that I'm exactly
where I'm supposed to be at this point in time, is very comforting to me.
As I write this, I'm facing, perhaps, the most challenging time of my life.
My mother is seriously ill. However, I'm hopeful that I'll find the inner
strength to cope as well as possible with this inevitable life situation. Once
again, it's all about: LIFE ON LIFE'S TERMS.
Good luck to all who read this page. Please feel free to
e-mail me if you think I can be of
any help to you. I'd be happy to offer my support or refer you to some good
literature, tapes, etc. Hopefully, this site will grow and be helpful to those
who are faced with the challenge of agoraphobia.
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