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STEP 6: Use Paradox
Inviting the symptoms
In a paradoxical strategy your attitude
must be this: "I want to bring these symptoms under voluntary control.
I
would like to increase all my symptoms right now." Then consider each
symptom that typically bothers you. "I would like to start perspiring more. Let me
see if I can become dizzy or make my legs shaky, right now." Through this attitude
you accept your symptoms, and you permit them to exist. If you practice any relaxation
techniques at that moment, you do so as a way to end your Emergency Response and reduce
your Negative Observer comments so that you can continue to accept and encourage symptoms.
Fighting paradoxically is not only the instruction to
increase your symptoms; it is an attitude and perspective to use whenever you face a
panic-provoking situation. And it is a basic principle behind most of the practical skills
in this self-help guide. For instance, in the Deep Muscle Relaxation exercise, you tense a
muscle group to make it relax. In a panic-provoking situation, you calm your mind and
relax your body. By calming yourself, you become more alert and better prepared to take
control of panic than if you were to tense up for the fight.
USING PARADOX DURING PANIC
1. Take a Calming
Breath, then begin natural
breathing.
2. Don't fight your physical symptoms and don't run away.
3. Decide if you want to use paradox.
4. Observe your predominant physical symptom at this moment.
5. Say to yourself, "I would like to take voluntary
control of these symptoms. I would like to increase my [name the predominant symptom].
6. Consciously attempt to increase that symptom.
7. Now attempt to increase all the other symptoms you notice:
"I would like to perspire more than this. Let me see if I can become very dizzy and
make my legs into jelly, right now."
8. Continue natural breathing, while you consciously and
fully attempt to increase all your symptoms of panic.
9. Do not get trapped in worried, critical, or hopeless
comments ("This better start working soon! I certainly must be doing this wrong.
It'll never work.")
When you are controlled by panic you are run by your Negative
Observer voice: "I can't..." ("I can't feel this way." "I can't
get anxious, because someone will notice." "I can't handle this
experience.") As you begin to gain control over panic, you will notice that your
voice shifts to that of the Supportive Observer: "It's OK...I can..."
("It's OK to feel this way." "I can be anxious and still perform my
job." "I can mange these symptoms.")
Using paradox, you progress to the opposite end of the
continuum. You take full responsibility for your symptoms by inviting them: "I want
to..." ("I want to make my heart beat faster." "I'd like to see just
how might I can perspire right now." "I want to increase all of these symptoms
immediately.") Keep in mind that this shift represents more than just a difference in
semantics-it reflects a new attitude.
Start by practicing the use of paradox when
you are feeling just a few minor symptoms. If you have trouble mastering
the approach, look first at your attitude. Once your attitude is set -- your complete
willingness to embrace the symptoms in order to diminish their power -- your skill will
improve dramatically.
Experiment with using humor, because humor
can put some distance between you and the symptoms. Try to prove to the world that you are
a champion fainter. See if you can tie your stomach in knots so tightly that even the
butterflies want out of there.
Don't be disappointed by early setbacks, because once this
special attitude is in place, your entire perspective will have shifted. The goal of
accepting
and increasing anxiety is the object, rather than being free of anxiety. Panic
comes when we try to control our anxiety and we fail. Since you are no longer trying to
control your symptoms, it is much harder to experience a sense of failure. And when you
don't think "I am failing right now," panic usually won't set in.
Listen to Michelle's description of her experience the week
after she learned this approach.
MICHELLE: I took a long walk on Saturday. First I walked to a
shopping mall and bought a few things. That only took about half an hour, so I decided to
walk down some residential streets. I felt a little panicky because there were no stores,
no telephone booths to turn to for help-unfamiliar territory. I took a few Calming
Breathes and reassured myself. Again, I found that my anticipation of trouble caused me
more problems than any actual symptoms.
Dr. W.: What kind of thoughts did you have?
MICHELLE: I would think, "Here I am...People don't know
me...What if I faint?...No one would help me...I could start feeling dizzy?" Than I
would remember to do my breathing exercise and to say some positive things to support
myself.
Remember the exercise you told me about last week, "Try
to bring on the symptoms yourself?" I was surprised that the thought came to mind,
but at one point I said, "Why don't you go ahead, feel like you're going to faint and
see what happens?" And I sort of brought things back into perspective.
Dr. W.: How do you mean "brought things back into
perspective?"
MICHELLE: Well, for a few moments nothing happened.
Then I said to myself, "No, you know you're not going to faint. You know this happens
to you all the time. You can walk through this neighborhood, and you are going to feel
good about that when you are done." It was easy after that.
Something else seemed to change after Saturday. I've noticed
an overall difference in my attitude...about myself. I seem to be staying away from
criticizing myself. I'm not as down on myself. It's as though I started accepting my
symptoms and accepting myself. Then Tuesday I spent the night alone for the first time in
ages. That went well, no problems.
Michelle's experience with paradoxical intention is typical.
When you completely and honestly request that your symptoms increase, they will usually
diminish instead. It is important, however, that you don't make a pseudo-request,
such as, "I'm beginning to become anxious. Now, I'd like this anxiety to
increase...but I hope it doesn't, because then I'll never be able to handle it. So this
trick better work soon!" By fearing an increase in symptoms and hoping that they
diminish quickly based on this "trick," you fall back into the trap of opposing
panic, and thereby encouraging and supporting those symptoms.
To win over panic, you stop fighting it.
To rid yourself of panic, you let it exist. To conquer panic,
you stop resisting. And that is the paradox.
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