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The human experience is the one thing that we all share. When we were born, we were
born into families that would teach us the lessons that we need to learn in order to reach
our highest potential. This does not mean that all of us were born into the most
supportive of circumstances. For the most part, the opposite is true. Throughout
childhood, we are taught the illusion that things are done to us and we can not be
responsible for ourselves. We are taught an illusion that we may have certain character
weaknesses such as being overactive and unable to concentrate, abused and a victim of our
environment, or any number of dysfunctions. It is up to us to recognize these
dysfunctions, accept them as part of ourselves, and they will eventually be seen as our
greatest strengths and a platform for our highest achievements.
When we look into our childhood, many of us do not see it as perfect. Many people were
neglected or abused; we felt unloved or unappreciated. Children bury their feelings when
they are not treated with respect, honesty, and consideration. Many children blame
themselves if a marriage is breaking up or if there are financial difficulties. Children
may carry the guilt of a parent leaving or feel responsible if they are shuffled from
foster-home to foster-home. Children do not understand that these are problems that their
parents have, not them.
Because of this, many children harbor feelings of worthlessness, inability to be loved
and give love. They feel they were abandoned because they were bad, etc. Too often, these
feelings are brought into adulthood and manifest as adult behavior. As adults, we can
plainly see how other adults may not treat others fairly. We do not, however, normally
recognize that this person is a product of their upbringing and has their own wounds to
overcome.
You can see "Bad Parenting" every time you go into a supermarket. Oftentimes,
the parent never learned how to be a good parent and is just leading by example.
Unfortunately, the effects of "Bad Parenting" do not end with childhood. It
manifests into the adulthood of the ill-treated child and, many times, the behavior cycle
will be repeated in the next generation unless the person affected by "Bad
Parenting" has the strength to look inside to see who they really are. They must dig
really deeply to see the root cause of the pain within themselves that causes them to
inflict this pain on others. If this is not recognized, the pattern will repeat. Unless
the adult person is ready and willing to face the pain of the past, they will not mature
and transcend it. They will, instead, deal with the problem later, on a superficial basis;
or they will hope that it will just go away. Unfortunately, this does not usually happen
and by the time they are forced to face it, the problem has reached crisis proportions.
In the following series of questions, we will uncover the areas of our childhood where
we expressed our spirit through laughter and fun. We will see where we were supported and
where we were not. We will see where we were stunted and where we were encouraged in our
growth. We will touch on our perceived positive and negative qualities and how we came to
recognize them as categorizations of positive and negative.
Questions
1. Write down something you loved to do as a child.
2. Do you still do this? If not, why not? Did you outgrow it or stop doing it for a
reason?
3. What do you love to do now? What is your passion? Do you have one?
4. Can you think of any talents such as creativity or the ability to figure out how
things work; maybe an inherent knowledge about materials and their properties or being
able to somehow communicate with animals? Anything that you brought into your adult life.
5. Name between 3 and 10 things that you love about yourself. Can you think of any
unique things that you know or can do?
6. Name between 1 and 10 things you don’t like about yourself. Is there a common
thread between all the things you don’t like about yourself? If so, write that down.
7. Did you have a happy childhood? Were you supported in your development? Name as many
instances as you can where you felt totally supported as a child.
Exercise to try at home:
Take a look at the traits and characteristics that you don’t like about yourself,
compare them to the traits and characteristics that you do like. By themselves, can you
see anything negative about these characteristics? If a child who you love told you that
they had these negative feelings about themselves, what would you say to the child to help
him or her to see past the perceived imperfections?
Suggested reading:
Life Purpose, see Articles and
Workshop Tools
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