Recognizing Our Wounds
When delving into the depths of spirit to find our wounds, many of us have no idea
where to start. We know that there are certain things about ourselves that we don’t
like and on the surface we can even rattle them off as if they were a grocery list. What
we do not recognize is where and when we concluded that these specific characteristics
were unacceptable. We are also often unaware that they are often all linked to a central
core or root that branches off and manifests as symptoms of the core hatred. We are so
busy beating ourselves up for our perceived imperfections that we have forgotten why we
started beating ourselves up in the first place.
It is against our conditioning to fully accept ourselves as whole and completely love
ourselves as we are. Most of us beat ourselves up because of negative experiences in
childhood where we learned to only accept some parts of ourselves and reject others. We
take over beating ourselves up where our childhood experiences left off. Why do we
continually judge ourselves and others for what we perceive as imperfections? What is an
imperfection? Is it some physical or emotional trait that in the eyes of God is
unacceptable? Is it possible for God, who is love, to create anything less than perfect,
or is it a method of self-destruction that keeps us from truly experiencing love?
When we beat ourselves up for what we perceive as imperfections, we are denying
ourselves of the true love of self. It is not possible to halfheartedly love ourselves; we
either do, or we do not. We are all part of God and because of that, we are all perfect.
If this were not true, God who lives in all things, would not be perfect. God is love and
therefore once you find love for yourself, you will find God within.
Searching for the roots of our wounds is not easy. We must mentally relive the most
difficult times of our lives; the events that made us feel the most inadequate. The
moments when we were freely expressing ourselves and felt a choking of our spirit. The
moments where we fell victim to insane judgments and believed that they were true. These
moments are the pinnacle points where our feelings of self-love and acceptance were
crushed because of our false perceptions of our own imperfections.
What sane adult would blame a child for being beaten by an adult four times his size?
This is an insane perception. However, the child would most likely grow up believing that
he was beaten due to some fault of his own. A child cannot step back to look objectively
at his surroundings. The conditioning that we receive as children is normally what we
believe as adults. The abused child will most likely grow up with a feeling of inadequacy,
self-hatred and guilt for reasons he can not define.
Once we are brave enough to revisit the past and identify the core of our
self-loathing, and identify the core, we are well on our way to loving ourselves again and
finding God within.
Questions
1. Are there any incidences you can remember involving your parents or primary
caregiver that were very powerful and left you with a feeling of being unappreciated,
hurt, humiliated or unloved? Can you still remember the incident? Do you still cringe or
get angry? Please write down the incident in as much detail as you can.
2. Are there any incidences you can remember involving a teacher or mentor that were
very powerful and left you feeling unappreciated, hurt, humiliated or unloved? Can you
remember the incident? Do you still cringe or get angry? Please write down the incident in
as much detail as you can.
3. Can you remember any incidences involving strangers or other children that were very
powerful and left you feeling unappreciated, hurt, humiliated or unloved? Can you remember
the incident? Do you still cringe or get angry? Please write down the incident in as much
detail as you can.
4. Can you think of any incidences that reinforce any of your childhood wounds as an
adult? Any situations that left you feeling unappreciated, hurt, humiliated or unloved?
Please write down the incident in as much detail as you can.
5. Can you think of any incidences in your adult life that left you feeling helpless or
forsaken? Please write the incident down in as much detail as you can. Please include any
feelings you can express.
Exercise to try at home:
Write a letter to the people who hurt you in childhood and explain to them how they
hurt you. You don’t have to send it, just putting it down on paper should be enough.
Many times, people have no idea what affect they have had on people. A passing comment may
have an emotional impact for life. If you feel compelled, you can call the person and
explain to them as an adult how this affected you.
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