Drawing to expel

Drawing is the first place I made the connections of how my family was interrelated and the roles of each family member. I used colored crayons and big sheets of white newsprint paper. Drawing is a way to practice expulsion in a safe-accepting environment. As with journaling, there are no rules. I place my hand on the sheet of paper and let it go where it wants to go. I change hands. I change color. I allow myself to freely expel as I need to, without concern for the end result. I am not performing. I am not creating works of art for approval. I'm drawing for myself. I draw me, family, shapes, lines, and anything I need to, to feel like expulsion is taking place.

Painting as a way to expel

Painting is like drawing in that there are no rules. Expel as I need to expel.

Sculpting as a way to expel

Sculpting is like drawing and painting. There are no rules. Clay, play dough, paper mache, etc. may be molded into whatever and destroyed into what ever.

Dreaming to expel

Dreaming is a way my brain expels wants, desires, frustrations, types of anger, and injuries to my emotional self. Many books are written about dream analysis. There are different types of dreaming.

Fantasies are a type of dreaming. My fantasies are part of my dream process to stay healthy. My fantasies are a way my thought processes stay healthy by creating avenues for the resolution of stress cycles. Having my fantasies and acting on them are different. I'm allowed to have a fantasy without acting on it.

I remember fantasizing about a boss I had. In the fantasy, I ignited his house on fire, ran water into his basement to flood him out, burned words of hate onto his lawn, punched him out, belittled him in public, had him arrested for crimes he'd committed (I invented the crimes I though he should be arrested for), and other vengeance seeking or posturing for power types of fantasies.

Fantasies are healthy. I don't need to scare myself by thinking it's necessary to act on a fantasy. I'm creating avenues for the preparation of expulsion to stay healthy (like talking or journaling).

I learn about who I am by allowing myself the option to fantasize. Sometimes my needs are represented in a fantasy. A person I'm attracted to may show up in my fantasies. Expressing (expulsion, possibly in the form of sexual play), how I feel about that person may be done in my fantasy without acting on the feeling. Acting on the feeling (attraction) isn't necessary. The fantasy is a fantasy. No other action is required.

Dancing to expel

I like to dance. Like drawing, dancing is another non-restrictive way to express myself (expel). The bigger the dance floor the better for me. This style of expulsion (dancing), is more public and the advantage to that is that I practice expulsion with friends, neighbors, and strangers, without isolating myself. I practice healing in relationship this way. Expulsion done in the company of others is as important as expulsion done in isolation. I prefer to expel with a safe friend more than I prefer to expel alone. Dancing helps me reduce the terror of expressing myself outside of isolation; (as long as I'm choosing to dance as a way to expel, and not as a way to perform).

Creative imagery as a way to expel

When I close my eyes, imagine myself as a young child, look into the child's eyes and sing, "You Are My Sunshine" to myself as a youngster, I find out just how powerful creative imagery is. Creative imagery is an avenue for expulsion like having fantasies. By imagining an event or picture in my head, I create an emotional-stressor such as joy, sadness, needs for relieving loneliness, and etc. which will allow me to expel and resolve old stress cycles.

The "inner child" theme of creative imagery has been important for me to experience. The inner child theme of creative imagery is where a licensed therapist, counselor, hypnotherapist, or other person that I trust to be knowledgeable and nurturing, takes me on a imaginary trip. The trip is a fantasy journey back to a place and time in my childhood to: re-live old events, find and hold myself as a child, recover myself (see and meet myself as a child), take myself (as a child) out of an abusive situation by me as an adult, see myself as an adult rescue myself as a child, see myself as an adult go back in time to confront my abuser (claiming power), see myself as a happy newborn baby before the abuse and emotional clutter built up and envision what that was like, or gently releasing repressed memories and feelings attached to those memories.

When I first started recovery I could not picture myself in my head. The picture was elusive or nonexistent. I remember that with the help of hypnotherapy I was able to start visualizing a picture of myself which began a process of developing and discovering an identity for myself.

I saw myself in a park. It was fall. I was wearing a red ski coat. I was smiling. I heard myself saying to me, "I know this is hard on you, let's go take a break and walk for awhile." I saw another image of me which was scared, lonely, and grieving, join the other smiling image. The smiling image of myself gave the scared and grieving image of myself a warm welcome. This was the first time I had any idea that I could nurture myself. As a result of this creative imagery I grieved (expelled), for many days through journaling and talking with safe listeners.

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