The lull stage is also where the stress cycle may be "blocked." When a cycle is blocked, it cannot complete itself as naturally as if it were not blocked. Another name for a blocked cycle is called a "double bind" (figure 4).

A double bind is where conflicting choices of action fight for position in the decision making process. As an example, a person may need to sneeze; and the need to sneeze occurs during a busy church ceremony. If the person has a lot of shame around sneezing in church, they will experience a double bind. The double bind will be:

The need to sneeze

(Factor 1)

The shame around sneezing in church

(Factor 2)

There are many types of double binds which cause a cycle to become blocked. Examples:

The need to sneeze in public

vs

The shame experienced in sneezing in public

---

The need to sneeze

vs

A blocked or plugged nostril

---

The need to cry

vs

The shame experienced in crying

---

The need to fart

vs

The shame experienced in farting

---

The need to laugh out loud

vs.

The shame of laughing out loud

---

The need to urinate

vs

The unavailability of a toilet

---

The need to expel anger

vs

The fear of expelling anger

---

The need to scratch an itch

vs

The inability to reach an itch

---

The need to grieve

vs

The lack of knowledge on how to grieve

---

The list of double binds is endless and always changing. The list of double binds is unique to each person. The double binds for one person are not going to be the same as the double binds for another person. Each person will experience a double bind in their own way.

Side-Note:

The following is list of double binds which I find myself needing to re-inform myself of on occasion. I call these my "Chaotic Control Binds" or binds that hurt when I'm in.

• Trying to gain approval from someone who is playing the victim.*
• Trying to control the opinion that another person has of me.*
• Trying to change the behavior of another person.*
• Trying to gain approval from someone who doesn't like me.*
• Trying to force myself to like someone I don't like.*
• Trying to like something I hate doing.*
• Trying to be unafraid of something I'm afraid to do.*
• Trying to be unafraid of someone that I'm afraid of.*
• Trying to be un-nervous in a situation that I'm nervous in.*
• Trying to be cheerful in a situation that I'm feeling sad about.*

* My feelings versus my denial of my feelings. 
* My feelings versus the feelings of another person.

top | next | table of contents

home | about me | preface | section 1 | section 2 | section 3 | appendix
references | disclaimer | editorials | send page to friend