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Can you share with us your story of personal battle with
illnesses, and how you found answers or help? If you are
hurting or feeling tired, your story may help other women who suffer
similar ailments that seem not to have explanation or logic. Or
maybe you want to reach out and ask for help regarding your own
symptoms.
If you have a story about
hurting or feeling tired, please share it with us.
| Name - Nickname - Email Address |
| leighbrayman - jennifer_brayman@hotmail.com | | Comments - I have alot of pain during sex i dont know how put it but i think its all in my head.How do i get rid of pain that might be imaginary it feels like the pain i felt when i was being raped when i was 9 i feel tight i feel like i need some pain killers......i need help.. advise. |
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| jean - jjlmatt1@aol.com | | Comments - hello i'am jj and i'am been hurt in my past i been thought hell and back seen and have had real bad thing done to me and has seen things done would like to get help |
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| wendy - wendy_bird83@hotmail.com | | Comments - Hi,
My name is Wendy. I was sexually abused at the age of nine. I write alot of poems, this is how i can express myself.
My Dreams
I dream alot when I go to sleep, the pain that is in me runs very, very deep. Sometimes i wake up in a sweat, I see a face that i once met. I hide my tears and I hide my pain, trying to deal with so much shame. Day after day he told me those lies, for now I'm afraid to close my eyes. The feelings of terror and the feelings of fear, I can't keep hiding behind my tears. Each day goes by as I try to cope and I pray to God that there is a little hope. I often think about cutting my veins, just so I don't have to deal with the pain. The davorcet that I take it's hard to explain, but it has a way to deal with my pain. I know i can't keep turning to my medication, but I have to realize I was a victim of child molestation. |
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| melissa - lissalizard@yahoo.com | | Comments - Ever sense I could remember I was molested by one of my uncles. I used to always think that it was my fault. I used to ask my self, "What did I do to deserve this? Why cant I just say no!? Why is he treating me like his wife? Does she know about this?" I still dont know the answers to those questions. It is so hard to go to school and not have a flash back. In my English class, we were reading a book called Montana 1948, and I ran out of the classroom crying and nobody understood why. It’s about this Indian girl who gets molested by the town doctor. It’s so hard to live day-by-day making sure that your predator doesn’t get the best of you. Now I totally hate my self. And I will never forgive my self for not doing anything. People may say, "aww, its ok, I know how you feel." how do they know how we feel? Were they molested? Did they have to go through all the pain, like us survivors? No. ~*~*~ see I believe in faith. I really do think theirs a reason for all of us to be victims. Not only will it make us stronger, but it will also help us prevent it from happening to anyone else. Well at least in my case. I never want any kid to grow up the way I did or become anorexic and be scared all the time that they will come back for you. We are survivors, and we will make it ladies! I promise! God be with you and you all will be in my prayers. |
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| zealous - blueizz2002@hotmail.com | | Comments - I was abused sexually and beaten from the time I was a toddler until I was 15. My mother was controlling and had a lot of issues of her own...so Of course I didnt want to upset her more. I often feel tired...and jsut cant get going..Im not depressed...Im am a happy and loving person, but latley more than ever I have been having flash backs during sex and am trying to aviod it all together. The tiredness never goes away. Im not sure when it will. I have four children and in a mad rush not to abuse them I have educated myself and am doing a great job. I have little hope for realationships. I have just started dealing with this...so I could use some support |
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| Maya - maya.garcia@blueyonder.co.uk | | Comments - I am both a sexual abuse and ritual abuse survivor. My father abused me physically, sexually, and psychologically from infancy up until my mid-teens. I am now dealing with persistent (non-chronic) depression, overeating, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and constant tiredness. I am in love with a wonderful man, who I will marry in a few months' time, and I wish for happiness, and some relief from these constant feelings of despair. I wish to find a support network in my area (I relocated to the UK from America) for survivors. I want to find happiness, and to make peace with myself. |
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| LJ - LJ_7565@hotmail.com | | Comments - when i was 13-14 my step father use to touch me and kiss my kneck and say dirty things to me when my mum wasnt there, when i plucked up the courage to tell someone (my deputy head) my mum was informed straight awa and she took my step fathers side and called my all the names under the sun and called me the devils child. my sister and brother also turned their backs on me so for yrs i was the black sheep of the family and the only way i could cope was to punch myself in the face. anyway he kept trying it on and one day my mum was out and he tried to take me upstairs but i noticed the time and said mum would be back and he let go of me and i ran straight out. time went by and i had made a statement to the police but didnt take it further as my mum has been married 4 times and has been hurt too many times so i couldnt do this to her. im now 27 and i am married with 2 lovely kids the thing is whenever i go round to my mums hes always there and if he is in the kitchen and i need to go past him and mums not in there he touches me as i go past. he also keeps pestering me to look at my tattoo on my breast and i always laugh it off as im too embarrassed i dont let my daughter who is 3 anywhere near him. when i called him on his birthday to wish him a happy birthday he said he has some new pj's and he would wear them especially for me i asked if mum was there he said she was out.
I feel like its all my fault.... and i also feel like im imagining things as i havent been brought up by a proper dad so i dont know whats right and whats not.... my husband brought the subject up again the other month and it feels so raw and its cutting me up inside... i really dont know what to do anymore... i try not to go round to see my mum if he is there... please could people advise me.. i have been to councelling but its no good...im tired and im hurting...... a reply would be appreciated. thanks for making the time to read my story. |
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| Naidia - sackings1990@yahoo.com | | Comments - Hi, My name is Naidia I was sexually abuse by my uncle for almost three years. I'm 14 years old it started when I was 10 an it ended when I was 12. The reason why it stopped is because I moved to another state. My uncle had put a little girl in my head. It sound odd. She would make fun of me. She would laugh at me if I did anything stupid. He told me if I ever tell any one about what he did to me. He would come after me. I was so scared. After almost commiting sucide I told my mother what my uncle did to me. My mother told me "He will never hurt you agian I promise". I was so happy to hear those words. I was still scared. I was so scared I almost tried to commit suicide again. I told my mother that I needed to go somewhere to get help. My mother took me to the towns hospital. I told the doctors what had happened to me. They told me I was going to get good care. So the doctors took me to another hospital where I would me safe. I stayed at the hospital for 2 weeks. My family called me and visit me every day. When my last day came up I was so happy, buy scared coming in the world again. I knew I was safe again. |
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| Annie - annedelina@msn.com | | Comments - hello.
it's a strange place that we live in. I've read the stories here for the past 6 months or so. I've been afraid to post or seek help. I'm currently married and he's been abusing me verbally, emotionally and financially for the past 10 years now. I have seen the light thanks to my best friend, a survivor of ritual abuse. Because of her support, I'm aware of what is happening. I'm in the process of working up an escape plan however, since I have no children, and i'm not pregnant, Have a college education, and have a job, I cannot get help from the state or goverment to aid my leaving or even filing for divorce. I make a measly 23,000 a year, and because of that I am trapped. I'm slowly saving money so that I can eventually leave him, but right now, since at times I didn't remember my childhood, the flashbacks have begun. I'm stressed, 90% of the time I don't even know which way is up, or who I am. I'm snapping at people. I"m depressed, sad, and frustrated, and tired of being told, I'm sorry, I wish I knew what to say to you.
I was abused as well as a child sexually, physically, and emotionally by my stepfather whom adopted me, by my step mother. I just fear my own skin any more.
http://www.littlebitofsoul.com/anniestoryupdate.html
That is my story sketchy at best but it helps me face things i'd other wise keep bottled deep inside me. |
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| patty - pattym69@ma.rr.com | | Comments - hi,my name is patty im 35 and every night since i was 7 or 8 i have had nightmares and have been raped repeatedly by my mom and she passed me around and sold me to her friends ,i remember having to do things with other kids boys and girls ,i remember pictures being taken by strange men,my mom would bring me to a house i saw her take money from men i didnt know at first then knew all to well ,it is forever burned into my mind,every time i close my eyes its like a movie screen playing over and over every night since as far back as 6 or 7 ,and i was barely out of diapers and can remember being dropped off at strange houses,for long periods at a time ,,,i ran away for the first time at age 9,lived in an old abandonded house till i was caught ,was raped again tried to kill myself several times but couldnt for some reason,i intentionally became pregnant at sixteen married the guy stayed with him almost ten years he was very abusive i am a lesbian and now my child(a girl)is almost 18 years old i still have thenight mares body memories and am in a lot of pain every breathing moment of my life,,i dont know who will see this but im hoping i can talk to someone ,noone believed me then or now,,patty,m, |
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| Becky - bckybrailsford@yahoo.co.uk | | Comments - Im 16 years old, and about to take my GCSE's, I was sexually abused as a child by my grandad. I came around through a 1 night stand, and my dad didnt want a father relationship. However he did still attampt to see me. My mum at the time was with a indian man who apparently beat her up all the time.
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| becky - bckybrailsford@yahoo.co.uk | | Comments - and i was sent to live with my grandparents when i was 2. From the age of 6-9 i was abused by my grandad. And i finaly got the guts to say something when i was 12. I then went to live with my dad. Who i was then fully sexually abused!
Later on after moving into foster care i was raped. Let alone missing the amount of times i encountered sexual assult. But im still hear and standing, yes i feel like the most unluckiest girl on the planet but im still hear. The depression as kicked in and its making me tired and hurting all over. I find sex uncomfortable, and put myself down because people think im lazy, when all i want to do is sleep.
However im going to a counselor and things are looking out for me now. Ive got GCSE's in a weeks time, and im glad that my life is going to be my own now.
As for the acheing and hurting. You may want to see if you have got some form of depresion, because these are what u get if u have depression. And u really do need to get it sorted. Before something stupid happens.
And remeber there is always someone in the world that is worse of than u. That usually gives me a drive to go on! |
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| KimberleeAnne - | | Comments - I was sexually abused by family, relatives and who knows who else. I have so many physical/emotional issues...esp unexplanied tirdness and pain all over. My brother told me recently that it was worse than i had suspected, he filled in alot of blanks, seems he was made to kill kittens and was made to accept money for this deed at my grandmothers. I know they drank alot when we were young, but i don't remember much of my childhood. THankfully I married and have a family that loves me now and I live far away now...no one knows in my family and they would not believe me anyhow...i am excluded from weddings and other gatherings cause i cry at a drop of hat, nver knew why, now i know why, and they labeled me crazy...my mind and body was crying cause it rememberd things i still can't today,thankfully/ |
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| death by suicide - beastierocker@hotmail.com | | Comments - my name is leanne and i am 18.my mam met my step dad when i was 2 and always thought he was my biological father. i was 5 years old the first time her ever touched me 11 years old when he first raped me. my mother knew what was going on but never did anything to stop it. it's not that she was scared of him because he was so loving and kind to her.he'd physically,mentally and sexually abuse me. i left home at 15 and thought that was the end of my suffering. it wasn't.i sunk into a really bad depression and started self harming really bad.2 month after my 16th birthday i was raped by a stranger.i ended up in and out of intensive care through my self harm.when i turned 17 i was sectioned in a child and mental health hospital.after about 6 months i was feeling a lot more positive.i have a younger brother who i adore and so i was allowed to go and see him at my mothers home when my section was up.my step dad raped me on that occasion also. i felt that all the hard work i had put in to those 6 months had been for nothing.i was in hospital for 11 months and diagnosed with some nasty illnesses such as paranoid schitzophrenia,depression& anxiety, borderline pesonality disorder and really intense flash backs.i was always scared of getting involved in a relationship with anyone buti met a really nice guy or so i thought at the time.he physically and mentally abused me before i decided my life was worth more than that and so now i'm in a womens refuge. i feel completely safe which is such a nice feeling to have. i still suffer from my illnesses and am still pretty screwed up but i've come this far and i don't intend to give up now! |
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| patty - pattyackman@hotmail.com | | Comments - I was sexually abused as a child for many years. This has caused me to act inappropriatly sexually. Then I shut down and hate sex. It becomes very painfull for me. The penetration sometimes makes me cry. I love my husband and need some help. I hate having sex. |
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| helen - chazchops@hotmail.com | | Comments - Im constantly in pain and theres always somethng wrong with me. I was sexually abused between 7 and 14 years of age by my stepfather. I am a recovering alcoholic, 2 years sober, but am addicted to codeine and tramadol painkillers. I take up to 40 of these damn pills a day. At the mo the sitation with my husband is tearing me apart. I love him dearly but I dont want to know about sex - I would quite happily not have it. He is so understanding - so good. I dont make the best ofmyself because i simply cant be bothered. Im covered in scars from my drinking days and feel disgusting. I have a pre-occupation with cleaning and am totally obssessed with painkillers. Other people experiences are invaluable to me.
helen |
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