A List of Abusive Behaviors

This is just one list. There are several, and they are all similar.

The Battered Women's Task Force of the NY State Coalition Against Domestic Violence asks women to answer "yes" or "no" to the following signs of domestic violence. BE HONEST!!

Does your partner:

1. hit, punch, slap, shove, or bite you?
2. threaten to hurt you or your children?
3. threaten to hurt friends or family members?
4. have sudden outbursts of anger or rage?
5. behave in an overprotective manner?
6. become jealous without reason?
7. prevent you from seeing family or friends?
8. prevent you from going where you want, when you want?
9. prevent you from working or attending school?
10. destroy personal property or sentimental items?
11. deny you access to family assets, such as bank accounts,
    credit cards, or even the car?
12. control all finances and force you to account for what you spend?
13. force you to have sex against your will?
14. force you to engage in sexual acts you do not enjoy?
15. insult you or call you derogatory names?
16. use intimidation or manipulation to control you or your children?
17. humiliate you in front of your children?
18. turn minor incidents into major arguments?
19. abuse or threaten to abuse pets?
20. The author of No Visible Wounds, Mary Susan Miller, adds one more:
    withhold conversation, sex, or affection from you?

Now, notice that only one, the first, is physical in nature. Here's the big one: If you answered yes to just one of the above, you are being abused. I don't care what the reasons he gives you for his actions. If he engages in just ONE of those listed, he is abusing you. As one woman put it, "It wasn't being hit or thrown against the wall that hurt most. It was having to live like a non-person." (from No Visible Wounds)

The worst of it is this: more often than not, the "threats" of hitting will grow into reality. What once was "just" name-calling becomes public ridicule, and eventually physical abuse.

Do you know someone who needs to read this? Send it to her, but make sure it's her email and not his!

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