Psychological Intimacy in the Lasting Relationships of Heterosexual and Same-Gender Couples

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Once the Relationship Coding Sheet was developed, each interview was coded and scored independently by two raters (one male, one female), who noted themes and categories as they emerged from the transcripts. One of the authors coded all 216 interviews to ensure continuity in the operational definitions of variables and consistency of judgments from case to case. The agreement between raters, determined by dividing the number of identical judgments by the total number of codes, was 87%. Cohen's kappa, used as a measure of interrater reliability, ranged from .79 to .93. When discrepancies occurred the raters met to discuss their differences and to re-examine the original transcripts until a consensus was reached on how a particular item was to be scored.

HyperResearch software (Hesse-Biber, Dupuis, & Kinder, 1992) enabled the researchers to perform a thorough content analysis of interview transcripts (totalling over 8,000 double-spaced pages) and identify, catalogue, and organize specific interview passages on which categorical codes were based.

In the second or current phase of the study, we re-examined the codes so as to prepare the data for quantitative analysis. Many variables were re-coded into dichotomous categories. For example, psychological intimacy was originally coded into three categories (positive, mixed, and negative). Because we were interested in understanding factors that contributed to psychological intimacy during recent years, the positive category was retained and compared with a recoded mixed/negative category. Vignettes from the transcripts are used in the following pages to illustrate the meaning of psychological intimacy to participants during recent years.

Data-Analysis

The coded data from the scoring sheets yielded frequencies that were analyzed using SPSS software. Chi-square analysis was used to examine the relationship between the independent variables--which included personal, demographic, and participants' reports of various dimensions of relationships--and the dependent variable of psychological intimacy in recent years. The Alpha criterion was set at .01 for the chi-square analysis.

The chi-square statistic seemed appropriate, since certain conditions were met. First, it has been very difficult to ensure randomness of samples in social and behavioral research, especially in studies that focus on new territory. This nonprobability sample was selected deliberately to include older couples who have been understudied in previous research--namely, heterosexual and same-gender relationships that had lasted an average of 30 years. The goal was to identify factors that contributed to satisfaction from the perspectives of individual partners rather than to test hypotheses. Second, compared to other tests of statistical significance, chi-square has fewer requirements for population characteristics. Third, the expected frequency of five observations in most table cells was met.

To assess the strength of the associations between psychological intimacy and the independent variables, a correlation analysis was conducted. Because of the dichotomous nature of the variables, a phi coefficient was computed for the dependent variable and each independent variable.

Variables that had been related significantly to psychological intimacy in the chi-square analysis and identified in previous studies as having importance to understanding psychological intimacy were selected for building a theoretical model. Based on the phi coefficients, communication was not included in the model (see next section). Two models were tested using logistic regression: one model included the sexual orientation of couples (heterosexual, lesbian, and gay males), the other substituted gender (male and female) for the sexual orientation of couples. Logistic regression was a useful tool in this exploratory research, where the goal was to develop theory rather than test it (Menard, 1995).

TOWARD A DEFINITION OF PSYCHOLOGICAL INTIMACY

The dependent variable was psychological intimacy. Participants talked of experiencing psychological intimacy when they were able to share their inner thoughts and feelings they felt to be accepted, if not understood, by the partner. Such experiences were associated with feelings of mutual connection between partners. When participants talked of being psychologically intimate with their partners, a sense of peace and contentment permeated their remarks. This definition, derived from the participants' reports, resonated with components of psychological intimacy identified in the literature review of this paper.

Coding this variable involved an assessment of responses to questions that asked each partner to talk about their relationships. These questions included a range of topics such as what the partner meant to the participant, how their relationships may have been different from other relationships, how participants felt about being open with their partners, what words best described the meaning of the partner to a participant, etc. Of particular importance were questions that elicited responses about the quality of communication such as, "How would you describe the communication between you?" Communication was coded "positive" in recent years when participants spoke positively about their comfort in carrying on discussions with their partners about a wide range of issues. Otherwise, communication was coded as "poor/mixed." Positive communication was essential for the development of psychological intimacy. Although positive communication could be present without having a sense that the relationship was psychologically intimate, at least in a theoretical sense, the two factors were correlated substantially (phi = .50). Therefore, we decided not to include communication as an independent variable in the regression analysis. Psychologically intimate communication captures what we are referring to as "psychological intimacy."

When responses reflected themes of openness, reciprocity, and interdependence between partners, psychological intimacy was coded as "positive." Opposite responses were coded as "negative/mixed." A lesbian participant discussed the meaning of psychological intimacy in the relationship with her partner that had lasted over 20 years:

I feel like I can be who I am. Now, she doesn't always like everything about that. But I can still be that way, and I don't have to pretend. That's never been something that we've had to do. I would be horrified if that had to be. I just can't imagine what that's like . . . I don't see us as fused. It's important to me not to be. I don't like it. I don't think it's healthy . . . I don't want to be in a relationship like that. It's important to me, for us, to be individuals, as well . . . She's my best friend . . There's a peacefulness about that . . . I can be whoever I am. I can say stuff to her that I would never say to anyone else. There are parts of myself that I don't particularly like, and I don't really share with other people, but it's OK to share with her. She'll take them in. She'll understand where it's coming from.

The partner spoke of how their psychological intimacy had evolved:

Although we like a lot of the same things, our interests are different . . . I've appreciated the fact that she has been the one who will raise an issue or problem for the purpose of resolution or improvement, and not just because she's angry. She seems to be willing to take that initiative. I didn't grow up in that kind of setting, so I think that's one reason this has worked. I think we both each really like the other one a lot ... There was a bond early on, in part because it was a different kind of relationship ... we were isolated for a long time, but that experience also bonded us ... I can be much more vulnerable now ... I look to her for help with it, which wasn't something I knew how to do before.

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As the couples in this study grew older together the experience of psychological intimacy was marked by a deepening sense of relational communion between them, yet a respect for their differences, as illustrated in the relationships of that couple.

A heterosexual couple reflected on the meaning of intimacy in their relationship that had lasted 30 years. The wife experienced her spouse as:

My best friend, best lover ... the person I can come home to when something bad happens to me. Unfortunately, we have not had parents for many years. He is my parent as well as my friend. He is the person who most cares what is happening to me.

The meaning of intimacy to her husband was described by him:

I just like her to be next to me, near me. If you don't have that feeling, I think there is a piece that is missing. I think we are our own people, but we do it together. You just have to respect the other person ... trust their decisions and beliefs and want to be with them.

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