Psychological Intimacy in the Lasting Relationships of Heterosexual and Same-Gender Couples

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The Significance of Psychological Intimacy to Well-Being

Apart from its heuristic value in understanding loving relationships, psychological intimacy is important to an individual's well-being. Prager (1995) summarized the research on the positive effects of being involved in psychologically intimate relationships. Citing several investigations by college students of Nazi Holocaust survivors, Prager argued for the benefits to well-being: individuals are able to share their thoughts and feelings about stressful events and receive support by someone who cares. Openness within a meaningful relationship has been found to reduce stress, enhance self-esteem and -respect, and reduce symptoms of physical and psychological impairment. Conversely, studies of isolated individuals unable to engage in relationships that promote openness and disclosure of inner thoughts and feelings are at risk for developing physical and psychological symptoms. Drawing from several studies, Prager concluded that "even people with sizable social networks are likely to develop symptoms of psycho logical disturbance in the face of stressful events if they lack confiding relationships." (pp. 2-3).

A THEORETICAL FRAME WORK

Our efforts to identify components of psychologically intimacy in a relationship underscored the complexity of the concept and the importance of being as precise as possible in developing an operational definition of it in our research. The definition that was developed (see Method section) was framed within the context of other contiguous dimensions of these relationships (e.g., equity, decision-making, and conflict-management styles).

In this framework, psychological intimacy referred to the meaning associated with relational experiences, as reported in participants' interviews. Operationally, psychological intimacy was defined as the sense that one could be open and honest in discussing with a partner personal thoughts and feelings not usually expressed in other relationships. This concept of intimacy is different from actual observations of verbal and nonverbal interactions, which may contribute (or not contribute) over time to an inner sense of being psychologically intimate in relationships. The focus of our research was on inner psychological themes (i.e., schemas of intimacy) as reported by participants, which were assumed to be contingent on the quality of specific relational experiences between partners.

Based on our review of the literature on the meaning and experience of psychological intimacy, we suggest that any approach to understanding this important dimension of relationships must consider four interrelated components: proximity, openness, reciprocity, and interdependence of partners. These elements must be assessed at different points over the life-span of individuals and within the context of culture. For example, these components may have a different significance for older couples who have been together for many years, such as those in this study, compared to couples who are at the beginning of a loving relationship. The meaning and expression of psychologically intimate communication may also vary between ethnic and racial groups, males and females, and partners in heterosexual and same-gender relationships. Given the potential connections between physical and psychological well-being, the quality of relationships and the demographic reality of an aging population, research into psychological inti macy among a diverse group of older heterosexual and same-gender couples is timely.

METHOD

A semistructured interview format was developed and pretested by the researchers. The resulting interview guide consists of focal questions that were designed to elicit how participants viewed several dimensions of their relationships. Collaborative researchers conducted additional pilot testing and provided feedback that led to further refinement of the interview guide.

The guide, which was used in all interviews, was divided into four sections: the participant's relationship; social influences, including economic and cultural factors; the relationships of the parents (all participants had been reared by heterosexual parents); and experiences of participants and views of their relationships from the early to recent years. The "recent years," the focus of this paper, can be categorized as the last 5 to 10 years prior to the interviews. The "early years" are the years prior to the birth of the first child for couples who had children, or the first 5 years for those without children or who adopted children after being together for 5 years.

The interview structure was designed to acquire in-depth information from the point of view of individual participants, to develop an understanding of how each partner adapted over the life span of their relationships. An open-ended style of interviewing allowed for freedom of expression, to elicit information from the perspectives of participants about interactions with partners. The approach, which adapted clinical interviewing skills to the needs of the research, explored the experiences of individuals within relationships as they remembered and reported them.

The interviewers, advanced doctoral students with extensive clinical experience, were trained in the use of the interview guide. They were respectful and accepting of the uniqueness of each participant's perceptions. Their empathic interviewing skills were a valuable resource in collecting the data (Hill, Thomson & Williams, 1997).

The interviews were held in the participants' homes, which provided additional information about lifestyles and environments. Prior to each interview, participants were told about the purpose of the study, given an overview of the interview schedule, and assured their identities would remain anonymous. Informed consent for audiotaping and the use of interviews for research were obtained. Each partner was interviewed separately; the length of each of the interviews was approximately 2 hours.

Sample

Couples were recruited through business, professional, and trade union organizations, as well as through churches, synagogues, and a variety of other community organizations. Most couples resided in the northeast part of the country.

The sample was chosen purposively to fit with the goal of developing an understanding of a diverse and older group of heterosexual and same-gender couples in lasting relationships. Couples were recruited who met the following criteria:

1. They were married or in a committed same-gender relationship for at least 15 years.

2. They were diverse in race/ethnicity, education, religious background, and sexual orientation.

Of the 216 partners who were interviewed, 76% were white and 24% were people of color (African-Americans and Mexican-Americans). The religious background of the couples was as follows: 46% were Protestant; 34% were Catholic; and 20% were Jewish. Fifty-six percent were college graduates and 44% were non-college graduates. The mean age for the sample was 57 years (SD = 10.24): 27% of participants were in their 40s, 33% in their 50s, 26% in their 60s, and 14% in their 70s. Sixty-seven percent of couples were heterosexual and 33% in same-gender relationships. The mean number of years shared together was 30.22 (SD = 10.28): 18% of couples had been together 40 years or longer; 29% between 30 and 39 years; 34% between 20 and 29 years; and 19% less than 20, but more than 15 years. Seventy-seven percent of the couples had children; 23% did not have children. By total gross family income, 7% of couples earned less than $25,000; 25% between $25,000 and $49,999; 29% between $50,000 and $74,999; and 39% had gross incomes of $75,000 or more.

Coding

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Each interview was tape-recorded and transcribed to facilitate coding and prepare the data for both quantitative and qualitative analysis. Interview passages were coded for relational themes, which were then developed into categories (Strauss & Corbin, 1990).

Initially, a research team (two women, two men) coded eight transcriptions blindly and individually. Detailed notes were kept and categories were generated. A relationship coding sheet was developed and used in subsequent coding of eight additional interviews. As new categories arose, previous interviews were recoded in keeping with the constant comparative process. Having both genders involved in that process helped control for gender bias and contributed to the development of a shared conceptual analysis. A scoring system was developed to identify themes that evolved from each section of the interviews. There were over 90 categories in 24 topic areas for every participant.

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