Get Rid of the Body Image Blues

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Your man cares about you, not your insecurities
Always believe your partner’s compliments. Women’s belief that men want bodily perfection is a purely female hang-up. When men are young, and before they’ve experienced a real relationship, they love to ogle sex symbols - just as we fancied Brad Pitt.

No survey has ever recorded man’s requirement for a flat stomach in his partner. Very few men specify their preferred breast size - those who do being almost equally divided between the large and the small.

By the time you’ve gone to bed with a man, you’ve almost certainly had a hug or a cuddle. He already knows what size you are, how slim your waist is or whether you’re well rounded, and he still wants to go to bed with you..

He is so overwhelmed by the touch and feel and smell of you - and the fact that you’re willing to go to bed with him - that he doesn’t give a damn about your perceived lack of perfection.

Get your man in on the act
You can do a lot to raise your self-esteem by asking your man to tell you what he likes about your body.

Tell him your insecurities - gently and seriously describe what you dislike about your body. Ask if he can give you positive but genuine feedback about what he feels. You might hate your ‘too big’ bottom, but he - and I speak from personal experience here - may adore its shape and cuddliness..

Don’t go on and on about how you hate yourself, as that would turn off any lover. Do encourage your man to celebrate, with words, with touches, with kisses, the bits you don’t feel too good about.

If your man won’t play ball with this exercise and can’t bring himself to compliment you, then think seriously about whether your relationship is sound. Never put up with a partner who criticizes and nags you about your body. This will not enhance your self-esteem.

Let sex make a difference
A good sexual relationship can blow all your body issues away. So use what happens in bed to build up your confidence.

On a basic level, choose moves and positions that hide the bits you feel bad about. If you feel your bottom is the size of Texas, then get him to hold you round your waist rather than gripping your buns.

As you start to feel more secure, use sex to focus attention on the body parts you like most. If you love your bottom, then encourage your man to fondle it, lick it and use rear entry positions. If your breasts are your best feature, climb on top.

Most importantly, shift the emphasis from the way you look to the way you feel. This is what men do. They are so turned on by the feel of sex that they forget their beer bellies. Go for sensuality, massage, deep long kisses, lots of foreplay, extra oral sex - by the time you’re ready for full frontal, you’re so turned on you don’t worry about how you look.

The more energy you put into sex - giving and receiving pleasure - the more you’ll enjoy it and forget your angst.

Finally...
Most of us don’t feel 100% confident about the way we look, and that won’t change overnight. If women can accept their body shape - not perfect perhaps, but nevertheless wonderful - then we can all begin to feel happier about ourselves and better about our sex lives. Isn’t that what we all want?

Resources:

• Sexual Intimacy by Anne Hooper
• How to be a Great Lover by Lou Paget
• Hot Sex by Tracey Cox
• Guide to Getting it On by Paul Joannides

Next: Research on Men and Women's Body Image and Their Sexual Functioning

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