Parenting 101

The Use of Reward In Positive Parenting

When ever possible try to use reward and praise to motivate your child to improve their behavior.

For younger children you can use "grandma’s rule." Say, "When you have picked up all your clothes, you may go out and play." Be sure you use "when" rather than "if."

Combine reward with time out for serious disruptive or defiant behaviors. Say, "Every time you ____, you will have a ____ time out. If you can go the whole (day, afternoon, etc.) without getting a time-out, you will earn ____..

The First Time Club

If you are having trouble getting your child to do something when you ask, have him become a member of "The First Time Club."

Make up a chart with 30 squares.

Tell the child that each time he does something the first time he is asked, a happy face will be placed in a square. When all the squares are completed, he will earn a reward.

Mutually agree on the reward. For younger children, you can place a picture of the reward on the chart or for older children you can write it on the chart.

Then practice with the child how he is to behave. "Each time I ask you to do something, I want you to: (1) Use good eye contact, (2) Listen quietly, (3) Say OK I will ____. then (4) Do it." Practice this, making a number of requests.

Then start the program.

Be sure to praise him for each success during practice as well as when the program starts. By the time the squares are filled, he will have developed a new habit. When he completes the program, provide the reward immediately. Take the chart down and let him have it as part of the reward. Continue to use praise and encouragement to make sure this new habit remains and becomes even stronger.

Want more help? Visit the [Parenting Skills] and the [Emotional & Social Development] sections of the CDI Store.

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The Family Chip System

If your child is having a lot of difficulty getting along at home consider using the "Family Chip System." This is a very powerful tool. When used consistently, most children will show great improvement within just a few weeks. The program provides immediate reward for appropriate behavior and immediate consequences for inappropriate behavior. By the way, if you have other children around the same age as the child for whom you are designing this program, put them on the program as well. Children really like this system. Parents love the system. Here are the steps to follow to use this program with your child:

Purchase a box of poker chips from the drug store.

Hold a family meeting to discuss the need for the program. Tell the children that it will help them to learn to be in charge of themselves. You can tell older children that this system is similar to what adults experience: (1) Adults earn money for working; (2) Adults have to pay fines for breaking rules like speeding or make a late payment; (3) Adults spend their money on things they need as well as a few things they want.

Develop a list of behaviors they will earn chips for. Start with the morning and then go throughout the day looking for behaviors to reward. These can include positive attitude, self-help behaviors and chores. If you are using a behavior modification program for school you can give them chips for each point earned on that system. Some possibilities are: getting up on time, brushing teeth, getting ready for school on time, playing nicely with brother or sister, completing chores such as feeding a pet or taking out the trash, saying please and thank you, doing things the first time they are asked, doing homework without a fuss, getting ready for bed on time, going to bed on time, cleaning bedroom.

Agree on a list of behaviors that result in a loss of chips. These can include behaviors that are oppositional, defiant or disruptive. Some examples are: tantrums, yelling, screaming, fighting, arguing, throwing things, jumping on the furniture, getting up after bed time, swearing, putting others down. (Some more serious behaviors will receive a Time Out as well as a fine).

Agree on a list of privileges they will earn and pay for with chips. Some privileges will be bought for the day, others will be bought for a period of time (usually 1/2 hour). These can include: watching TV, playing outside, computer time, renting their bike or other large toy, playing a game with a parent, etc.
See Suggestions of Rewards For Kids.

Assign point values to each item on the list. See the sample below:

Earn Chips For

Making Bed	2
Picking up bedroom	2
Brushing teeth	2
Setting the table	4
Ready for bed on time	2
Going to bed on time	2
Doing things first time asked	1
Saying please and thank you	1

Lose Chips For

Throwing things	4 + Time Out
Tantrums	4 + Time Out
Arguing	2
Interrupting	2
Running in the house	2

 Privileges To Spend Chips For

Watching TV	5 chips per 1/2 hr
Playing outside	5 chips
Rent Bike	5 chips for the day
Going to friends	10 chips
Playing game with parent	5 chips

Practice giving and receiving chips before starting the program. The practice should be based on the rules for parent and children provided below:

Rules for Parents When Giving Chips

Be near your child and able to touch him (not 20 feet or two rooms away).

Look at your child and smile.

Use a pleasant voice tone.

Make sure your child is facing you and looking at you.

Praise your child "Hey that’s great. You’re really doing a nice job. That’s really helping me." Reward you child with chips "Here’s 2 chips for doing a great job."

Describe the appropriate behavior for your child so he know exactly what behavior he is being praised and rewarded for.

Hug your child occasionally or use some other form of positive touch.

Have your child acknowledge you such as, "Thanks Mom" or "O.K."

Rules for Parents When Taking Away Chips

Be near you child and able to touch him.

Look at your child and smile.

Use a pleasant voice tone.

Make sure your child is facing you and looking at you.

Explain what was inappropriate such as "Remember you are not allowed to run in the house because it is not safe." "You need to learn not to yell and scream so we can enjoy being together at home."

Be sympathetic. "I know it’s hard to lose chips but that’s the rule."

Give your child the chip fine.

Make sure your child gets the chip appropriately.

Prompting the appropriate responses will sometimes be necessary.  For example, "Come on, give me a smile--That’s right."

If a chip loss is taken very well by your child, it is a good idea to give him back a chip or two.

If your child is too mad or upset to give you the chips, don’t force the issue. Place your child in time out (to cool off) and then get the chips.

Rules For Children When Getting Chips

You should be facing your parents, looking at them and smiling.

You should acknowledge the chips by saying "O.K.," "Thanks," or something else pleasant.

The chips should be put in a specified container. (Any chips left lying around are lost.)

Rules For Children When Losing Chips

You should face your parents, look at them and smile (not frown.)

You should acknowledge the chip loss with "O.K." or "All right," "I’ll get the chips," etc. (You must keep looking at them and be pleasant).

You should give the chips to your parents pleasantly

Post the list of behaviors and chips earned in a convenient place.

Let your child decorate a paper cup in which to keep their chips. Place the "bank’s" chips is a jar or bowl and put it in a place that is out of reach of children.

Start using the program. Feel free to modify the program at any time by holding a meeting. Sometimes point values need to be raised or lowered to achieve a goal. You may add or remove items from the list as well.

After about 6 weeks, you may be able to start short trials off the system. Say, "Today we are going to try not using the chip system. If things go well we will try it again the next day." If the trial is successful continue for about a week. If things continue to go well, hold a meeting and celebrate all that you and your child have both gained from the system. If your child is not ready, continue with the program.

Note: If your child runs out of chips, have a list of extra chores they can do to earn chips so that they remain on the system.

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