• It's important that you fully understand the message the teacher is trying to transmit. Some teachers, through kindness, try to blur bad news. Others may resort to the educational jargons so incomprehensible to the layman. This is when you must summon up your courage and say, "I don't understand that word-or that phrase--or that sentence. And it is critical that I do understand. Could you perhaps use simpler language?" (Mothers hate to admit this and fathers certainly do!) And so they sit and nod patiently as brains and eyeballs begin to glaze. It may be necessary to ask for documentation-for example, if the teacher says, "Your child has perceptual problems," ask for a work sample that illustrates this. Then find out the ramifications of the problem and what is being or can be done about it.
• The conference is made up of (at least) two people, both of whom are interested in the well-being of the child. Therefore, there should be a feeling of give and take, questions and answers and opinions from all participants.
• A conference is not a power struggle, not a case of one person's dominance, but a serious meeting of the minds where all points of view are equally considered. The teacher's views are of critical importance but your views are important, too. If your method of communication is respectful and its content relevant, your chances of being "heard" are greatly enhanced.
• Body language can be important. A parent who leans slightly forward in the chair and maintains eye contact with the teacher is demonstrating full attention and active participation.
• Don't grow tense if the teacher asks questions that, to you, seem unrelated to academic problems. She may inquire about sleep habits, preferred foods or the amount of television a child watches. These are not meant to pry but will tell the teacher how the child is responding to a variety of situations-and perhaps, when necessary, she can suggest alternatives.
• Never forget-your sense of humor will lighten many a situation and ease the tension for all.

Have you paid particular attention to the papers your child has been bringing home from school! They're easy to overlook, particularly if they are scrunched up into little balls and stowed away in the pockets of jeans and coats. You don't want to be caught off guard if the teacher says, "I'm sure you've noticed that Johnny never finishes an assignment."

It will add to the teacher's perspective of the child if you describe some of the behaviors you are noting at home-for example, if the child is particularly neat (or messy) about taking care of his room, let the teacher know. It may neatly fit into what she is witnessing in the classroom.

Miscellaneous

If, for one reason or another, your child has been tested, you will doubtless be given the results. But there's more to tests than just scores. You will also need to know precisely what that particular test was measuring, why it was given, and what it suggests in terms of ongoing needs.

Should the child attend a parent-teacher conference? Quite often it is helpful for the child to be present although he should never be made to feel that a team of adults are "ganging up" on him He should be encouraged to share his feelings about his progress or lack thereof. If the adults are prepared to listen attentively, the child may provide some valuable clues to his needs and attitudes.

Do not be alarmed if the teacher asks another member of the school staff to attend the conference-for example, the principal, the school nurse, the school psychologist, or a speech and Ian" teacher. These specialists are there because they have something share perhaps a significant observation-that will help develop better learning patterns and styles for your child.

A Final Note

During your child's academic career, parent-teacher conferences are a way of life just as PTA meetings, class open houses, special programs in which your child performs, et cetera. Like all other events that are significant in your child's life, they can be approached with optimism and a firm conviction that if a spirit of good will and optimism prevails, your child will, indeed, prosper.

Suggested Reading

Building Successful Parent-Teacher Partnerships (A guide for parents and teachers)

Bad Teachers : The Essential Guide for Concerned Parents (Through sample situations and a wealth of information on today's educational system, Guy Strickland--a teacher and school administrator for over 30 years--offers a practical approach to determine if a child's learning roadblocks stem from a bad teacher, and if so, how to solve that problem right away)

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