anorexia: why we can't "just eat"

who.it.strikes

The typical person that is vulnerable to developing anorexia is perfectionistic and a people pleaser. They must have things just so and are often the mediators of the family. When problems come along, they often try hard to believe that they don't exist or they try hard to get the problem to go away as soon as possible. Often they care very much about what other people think of them, whether those people be their parents or their friends or even crushes. Caring so much about pleasing others and wanting to be liked usually ends up being the gateway to someone vulnerable developing anorexia.

why.it.happens

Society has models grace the covers of "Seventeen" and just about every TV show out there, so the impression is made that to be liked and respected, you should be thin or have "the perfect body." Society puts control and money and thinness on the same pedestal, as well. To be thin is to be in control and to be worthy of attention. The person susceptible to developing anorexia sees all of this very clearly and begins to dislike themselves. Because people with anorexia are generally what is known as all-or-nothing people, it is hard for them to do anything inbetween or mediocre. This is why the dislike towards themselves and the dieting doesn't stop and continues on to severe extremes.

Besides society, there are obviously other factors that can trigger someone susceptible to developing a full-blown case of anorexia. Family is definitely one. For the majority, notice I did not say ALL but for the majority, the family is not the most stable. Often emotions and problems are kept under cover and are not dealt with in the family of someone with anorexia. When this happens it makes it even harder for someone who is battling the disorder to be able to ask for help. Asking for help takes tremendous strength and courage as it is, but when the family of someone who has come forward with their problems just sweeps them under the rug and refuses to acknowledge that they need help, it just makes getting treatment even harder. Along with this, the care takers of the person with anorexia may be perfectionistic themselves, and as a result, the person may have grown up believing that nothing they do is good enough and that to be worthy of love they must get all A's and nothing less.

The restricting may also be a form of control, as well. To be abused or live in a chaotic environment is to not be in control of yourself or your surroundings for a period of time, so the person with anorexia takes everything in life and measures it by one thing - their bodies. To be in control of this one object, this thing called a body, ensures that things will be "ok" if they can just lose more weight and so on.

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin-Linkin Park

Many times someone with anorexia has had their personal boundaries invaded, meaning that someone hurt them physically or sexually at some point in their lives. The abuse may not have come from someone in the family, but it none-the-less triggers feelings of unworthiness, causing the person to starve themselves out of self-hatred. Another thing that can fuel the self-destruction is verbal and mental abuse, not just from family members, but also from people at school or significant others.

Regardless of how it started, the person fighting the demon anorexia inside feels unworthy of food and life. Although this illness sounds as if it were a problem of appetite and food and weight, it isn't. It is an illness of self-respect, of how one rates oneself in relation to others, and someone with anorexia honestly believes that they are horrible failures who do not deserve anything but pain. They feel like constant failures who can never do anything right. Deep down every person with anorexia feels and is convinced that they are inadequate, low, mediocre, inferior, and despised by others. All their efforts, their striving for perfection through excessive thinness, are directed toward hiding the flaw of being unworthy/imperfect.

Although someone with anorexia often just says their problems are because they are "fat," realize that "fat" means the same thing as "not good enough," and that is why someone fighting this monster fears "fat." They fear that they are not good enough as they think they should be.

why.it.goes.untreated

People with anorexia often are reluctant to let go of the "security" of their disordered behaviors. They feel they have found, in their extreme restriction of food and rituals, the perfect solution to all their problems. Another problem faced by those with anorexia is the issue of being unable to see themselves clearly. When someone who is battling anorexia looks in the mirror they do not see themselves as they actually are in reality. Instead, they see only a fat, disgusting, failure. Often times the eating disorder will "tell" someone with this disorder that if they just lose 10 lbs they'll be thin enough, but once that weight is lost, the person finds themselves still despising their bodies and themselves, and more weight has to be lost. For these two reasons in particular, it often takes years for someone fighting anorexia to WANT help and to WANT to change. Then there is also the issue of family. Unfortunately, I hear of so many situations where someone has gone to the family for help and has only gotten anger, disgust, and sometimes even punishment in return, and as a result making it near impossible for someone with this problem to get help.

receiving.treatment

It is, however, possible to stop and end this distorted thinking and to be able to live a full life without being distracted by calories, and weights, and comparing oneself to friends and pictures in magazines. Realize that you or the person with anorexia cannot be forced into getting help. The ability to get better has to come from WANTING to get better. You or the person must want to change their patterns of thinking and living because it is within your/their hearts to do so. Otherwise, being bullied into a therapist's office or hospital will just lead to inevitable relapses.

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When the willingness to receive help IS there, there are many options for eating disorders therapy. There are individual therapists, and usually finding a therapist that specializes in treating eating disorders is the most helpful one. Some therapists recommend family therapy for those who are under 16 or 18 years of age, but individual therapy is always required with family therapy. There is also the option of group therapy. I personally don't think a person with anorexia in particular should go into group therapy until they are sure that they will not be triggered. Seeing those who weigh less than them or have problems that are worse than theirs can easily throw a person fighting anorexia into competition if they are not well into therapy first. However, that is just my thought. Group therapy is more of an individual preference, and it should be deliberated whether it will be more helpful or more destructive for the person fighting to go to meetings.

To see a listing of eating disorders treatment options, go to here: Treatment

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