About Me

I've lived most of my life in absolute terror. The terror was repressed and eventually became so overwhelming that it disabled me. The choices at the time appeared to be suicide or living in nerve shattering pain. I've chosen to go through the pain and anxiety.

However, humanly enough I've quit on myself many times, wondering "Why Me?" What's going on that I couldn't see? There's a link in my terror that keeps me from moving on. How come I couldn't see it? "God, it's been a long and painful six years! What the hell is going on? I cry out for answers and seed thoughts to help me change."

Four months ago I was returning from an ACA meeting (Adult Children of Alcoholics) and was impaled with the idea of having been raised as an object of addiction. This idea was so intense that it pulled together all the bits and pieces of my scattered recovery into a monumental whole. I found myself pouring out ideas and relationships faster than I could write them down. I had hundreds of notes on scarps of paper everywhere. How I was able to keep up with this pouring out of information, I'll never know. But then of course I am an Adult Child.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to be able to share these writings with you. I see a light at the end of a tunnel of resentful terror, agony, and grief. I look forward to moving beyond the terrors and into a new life of feeling safe again. With this said, . . .

Thank you.

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