Examples of Last resort Boundaries

(With or without anger as needed)

• "I need you to go now!" (and continue until it is acknowledged or walk away). *
• "I need you to go. I need time to myself." *
• "I need to go." *
• "Excuse me." (And walk away).
• Physically leave the room.
• Physically leave the conversation.
• "I don't want          (see examples below)       "

Examples:

• To have a relationship with you (and continue until it is acknowledged or walk away). *
• To do this *
• A drink *
• To eat this *
• Any *
• Talk about this *

* Remove the control (the victim or victimstance) and the fear from the anger in the presentation (your voice and body language).

Examples of Extended Space Boundaries

(With or without anger as needed)

1- "______________ is not allowed in my house, apartment, car, office, room, etc." (and continue until it is acknowledged or walk away).

Examples: drinking, stealing, gambling, smoking, spanking, snooping, fighting, food, candy, running, throwing things, breaking things, a person (their name), drawing on the walls, etc.

2- "_____________ are not allowed in my house, apartment, car, office, room, etc." (and continue until it is acknowledged or walk away).

Examples: guns, weapons, drugs, cats, dogs, pets, you, fireworks, explosives, etc.

3- "Don't touch that."(and continue until it is acknowledged or walk away).

4- "I need you to ___________."(and continue until it is acknowledged or walk away).

Examples: turn down your stereo, stop that, call before you come, take that somewhere away from me, take that outside, stop calling, etc.

5- "Don't call after (insert time) ." (and continue until it is acknowledged).

6- "Don't call before (insert time) ." (and continue until it is acknowledged).

7- "Don't call me ___________." (and continue until it is acknowledged).

Examples: here, at work, etc.

In each of the cases above, I move from a non-victim stand point (non-victimstance). I do not try to project guilt or shame as a way to control and maintain a boundary. When people feel guilty or ashamed, they react in angry and hurt ways. This is not caring for myself (by I approaching boundary setting from a victim's point of view). I go slow and learn over time. In childhood my boundaries were shamed and violated. The terror persists and needs to be cared for in a nurturing way (like going slow and taking time to practice).

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