On with the Show

Poor Sam. What a heavy load to carry around. The baggage load list for Sam will be:

The Load List:

• The load of feeling responsible for the feelings of his or her addict parent(s).
• The load of his / her unresolved grief and repressed pain (coping with pain alone).
• The load of having to be perfect (or invisible).
• The load of not ever feeling good enough.
• The load of emotional support for the addict.

And Sam will carry the loads alone. Addict parents deny that the loads exist. They are unable to share or take responsibility for the loads they've encumbered their child with. They use denial as a way to excuse themselves from their behaviors. They use denial as a way to avoid encumbering themselves and "feeling bad."

What has Sam learned growing up with addict parents? Sam has learned how to be compliant and do nothing to frustrate the addict (become invisible). Sam has learned how to accommodate. Sam has learned how to accommodate heavy loads (and the loads of other people). By being used, Sam has learned how to use. Sam will also subscribe to a belief system that was grown out of addiction.

The Addict's Belief System:

(Sam's Belief System)

Abuse is equated to the need to Survive.

In order to Survive, Bad Feelings and Bad Choices must be Avoided At All Costs.

This belief system will be used by Sam to try and function in life.

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