Mental illness is an isolating disease. It is also a lonely disease. This is not to say that everyone diagnosed with a mental illness feels alone in their struggle, but many of us do, most of us do at some point in our recovery. Because I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of twelve, I have often felt lonely and as if very few people could really understand me. And now, twelve years later, I still struggle with a feeling that I am alone in my illness, that despite a concerted effort on the behalf of those who love me, they cannot really understand the struggle. These thoughts, these feelings, are normal in connection to mental illness.
Mental Illness is a Lonely Disease
The word lonely is defined as a feeling of being alone, of feeling separated from others, being unsure how to connect to those we feel are on the outside of our experience, our world. If a person has been diagnosed with a mental illness later in their lives, perhaps in their twenties or thirties, years when one is expected to thrive , the illness can abruptly sever relationships. Mental illness, by its very nature, lends itself to isolation, instills a fear that we are different than others. Sometimes, it feels like we are wearing a sign that states we have a mental illness. It can seem easier to separate ourselves from the world, to believe that we are different. Feeling alone, segregating ourselves, spurs a state of isolation.
Mental Illness is an Isolating Disease
Isolation is a feeling of chronic emptiness. A belief that one does not belong. A fear of life and of others: isolation, anxiety and depression. It can define mental illness and negatively effect recovery and the sense of self. When a person is diagnosed with a mental illness their perception of themselves changes. Life can seem divided: before the diagnosis and after. It can be hard to separate and integrate the person you are now from the person you believe you were before.
Reclaiming Your Life
This is not easy, but it is possible, and the process is rewarding. First, work to understand that you are more than your mental illness: you are the same person you were before the diagnosis, maybe you are functioning better, and your life is manageable. Recovery has become a state of being and not just a pursuit to achieve it.
It can be beneficial to seek therapy. Talking about how isolated you feel, how you feel you are different from others is helpful. A competent therapist, a therapist that you can feel comfortable with (this is very important), can help you understand that you are not different than others. People are simply different from each other and this is what makes us unique. This is what makes the world an interesting and accomplished place. You are unique, but you are not exclusively unique. Try to think of what makes you special: the things you do for fun, painting or running for example, traits that define you as a person.
You cannot ignore the fact that you have a mental illness, you need to treat it effectively, and work to become or stay recovered, but your life, your personality, is much more than the diagnosis that your psychiatrist has written beside your name. If you can do this, then it is possible to connect with others, and not just those who have a mental illness, people that were your friends before the diagnosis, and the new ones you will meet after.
Thank you for writing this because I am feeling very lonely and isolated right now. I haven’t been stable for three years and it is very difficult. I’ve lost friends due to my bipolar and it hurts. I don’t think people understand me , not even my husband. But things can get better.
Michele
Thank you for your comment:) It is a very difficult and isolating disease: it’s so hard to reach out. My partner also does not understand completely. People can’t unless they live it. Stay strong!
Natalie
I am feeling really bad the last few nights and reading this has helped. The older i get the less i am around anyone unless i have to be. I know why i am this way but i am currently on the second antideppressent i have tried in a year on a high dose. Because i dont have insurance i have never really had a proper diagnosses but its complicated, as i have suffered all forms of abuse, had two addict parents, and i am recovering from addiction myself. I hope people read this and try and get help. I just need more help.
Hi, Kristina:
Thank you for your comment and for relating to my blog. Your situation sounds really difficult, but having a chronic mental illness is difficult, on its own and often lends itself to other issue as you are experiencing. Growing up in a dysfunction family, I did as well, is confusing. Their is a lot of new research indicating that a second anti-depressant can be helpful. If I start to stuffer with seasonal affective disorder, my doctor and I have a plan to use a low dose of Wellbutrin with my Prozac.
Thank you for commenting as I know what a terribly lonely disease this is. But just knowing there are people who suffer with it and are recovering can help the process immensely. Stay strong.
Sincerely,
Natalie
Natalie,your article gives very potent insights into a mental illness,to those who are outside.More people should read it to understand why mental patients complain of having no friends.I really wish i could help whomsoever i can but this requires face to face counseling.
However i write my blog posts for this very purpose.I hope i am of some benefit to the suffers.my blog is http://jeeteraho.blogspot.com
Hi, Indu:
Thank you you for the positive feedback. Your blog is excellent and I hope people do take a look!
Sincerely,
Natalie
I find that it is hard to tell the difference between what is my illness and what is normal situations in life that one responds too. Personally, I have always hated my life. Thrice I became homeless when sick and this last time I was totally without a desire to get back on my feet. I am still struggling!
I didn’t have any highs just debilitating depression. Everything hits me hard. I feel like normal life events take me to a place that I find difficult to understand. My stress is trying to ignore that I am sick and act like I am not sick.
I think that the illness forces us to think about alternative ways of being and living. Work is the hardest thing to manage. Concentrating on tasks and dealing with people for 8 hours is challenging. I come home completely drained and I don’t want to leave my house.
I take 12 pills a day and I am still in a depression. I don’t want to do anything, or see anyone. I am tired of trying to be a way I cannot be. I won’t be normal and I don’t even know what that would be like. I have always been sick, so this is my only gage.
Being sick is multi-layered, such as, issues with family disconnect. Not understanding my situation – after all in some way I have chosen this problem and I need to try harder to get better. I am so tired of carrying the guilt.
My sweetheart tries to accept the illness, my limitations and celebrate my strengths.
This year I am going to adjust my life to truly accommodate who I am with this illness and everything else. No more trying to be normal; instead, I am going to live as me.
Thank you!
M-spirit,
Thank you for sharing your thoguhts/experience with the healthy place community. I know many of us can relate to this topic. It is still hard for me to seperate life stress causing mood changes and relapse. It is frankly terrifying. Right now I am feeling a little down, maybe a lot if I am to be honest, and I am able to recognize that this stress im feeling, depression, is probably associated to major life changes. But it hurts and scares me anyway. I also do not have any huge highs, I have bipolar type II, so hypo-mania and mixed episodes if my meds go out of whack. I havent had a hypo-manic episode since I was on the right meds but the depression gets me every year. It’s tough. I take many pills as well–two little handfulls twice a day. They cannot always make you 100% better—but they make the ride easier and life possible.
Thank you for your coment,
we all need to support each other!
Sincerely,
Natalie
OMG! I only recently, in the last 5 months that I have been depressed realized that since I was a teenager I’ve suffered from these extreme highs and lows. Only since this current episode of depression have I felt that I really want to die. I am 32 years old and get really bad anxiety attacks or panic attacks, that start with horrendous fear of I-dont-know-what!
I only started to realize this now that I am an adult and feel that I need to take care of this or else I will not live to 35. This past holiday, as I laid in bed, after sleeping for 12 hours and refusing to get up or take the covers off over my head, I had the scary realization that I would rather die than spend another year with this terrible fear and the feeling that even if God put me in this earth for a reason, I will not fulfill it because I am incapable of doing so. I have called my doctor and will talk to her about being referred to someone. I fear that any given moment I might hurt myself and I would hate to put my family through such pain. Hopefully I can see the light before I become totally dark…
I’m sorry for such a negative post. But this is the first time I ever posted anything like this. I feel that I need to get it out.
Hi, Cristina:
Thank you so much for reaching out.
These initial feelings of coming to grips with depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety are not unusual. It can be overwhelming. I’ve felt that way myself and, at times, still do. I’m glad to hear that you have contacted your doctor and getting a referral to a psychiatrist and/or psychologist. Getting a reliable diagnosis is an important first step. Be sure to mention all of your symptoms to the doctor, including that you have very depressing thoughts about suicide and not going on living like this. The doctor needs to know this to help make a proper diagnosis as well as putting together a treatment plan.
One thing I want to leave you with for now – with proper treatment and support, people with depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety or other mental illnesses DO live better lives. It takes dedication to treatment, having a support team and some other things, but feeling significantly better and living a better life is worth it.
In the meantime, if you are feeling suicidal, here is trustworthy information on suicide along with a toll-free suicide hotline number:
http://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/suicide/suicide-suicidal-thoughts-and-behaviors-toc/
1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK) and 1-800-784-2433 (1-800-SUICIDE)
Sincerely,
Natalie
I was just diagnosed with major depressive disorder.have suffered since I was 10. 30 years later I still struggle every day and I find it so very hard to accept. No one else does. I go to therapy and still havent found my way. I dont know who I am anymore. I find I am alone alot more now since. It is a scary place to be.
In 1981 I was diagnose with Bi Polar. I was put on Lithium my life change. The missing piece was connected. I have been able to accomplished a lot. I’m a creative writer. The Sherlock family Recovery story is publish at http://www.12stepplanet.com and www. intherooms I have a blog monica sherlock. I have had my Sculptures in Galleries and my Prints in Mental Health Art Show. I was a florist for many years and now hairdresser. Monica Sherlock
I was very depressed for 2 years and was prescribed medication. I had counselling and found work very difficult. Part of the problem was my working environment and family bereavement and when I got the chance I took voluntary redundancy.
I am over it now but looking back there were some very dark days. It takes time and it seems like there is no way out of the dark cloud but it is possible. I now have a 3 year old son and enjoy most days of the week and Im back to playing sport and socialising. I will never forget that dark period in my life though.
Hi, J:
I agree that our environment can positively or negatively influence our mental health as well as stress—often stress contributes to my illness. I applaud you for putting your health first and taking time to get well. Congratulations on your son!
Thank you for the comment,
Natalie
Hi, Monica:
Lithium can change lives. It has change mine but, as you mention, it cannot cure our illness only control the chemical part of it. I look forward to your blog and hope others will read it as well! Congratulations on your recovery–that is what this blog is about.
Sincerely,
Natalie
Hi, Teresa!
Depression lingers in my life to. You sort of get used to it, well, you try. Acceptance is a long road but finding it makes living with a mental illness easier. You are not alone. There are thousands of people on this website alone who share your struggle and I am one of them. Hang in there.
Sincerely,
Natalie