HP Radio Blog

Leaving An Abusive Relationship

Kellie Jo Holly believes leaving her abusive relationship was the best thing she ever did for herself and her children. This episode of HealthyPlace Radio delves into the abuse she experienced during her 18 year marriage, some of the reasons she stayed, and the incentive behind her escape.

Soon after Kellie left her relationship, HealthyPlace contacted her to request she write the blog Verbal Abuse In Relationships here on the site. Kellie shares with readers the types of issues domestic abuse causes (i.e. depression) and hopes to create an understanding of the abusive dynamics in both the abuser and his or her target for abuse.

Kellie puts to use her hard-won knowledge about abuse and openly shares her experience of healing from domestic violence every week in her HealthyPlace blog. She believes in only by knowing the enemy called abuse can you hope to save yourself from accepting abuse or inflicting it. She also maintains a personal blog called “My Verbally Abusive Marriage” on her website, Verbal Abuse Journals. In the archives, you’ll find her account of the domestic abuse in her old relationship.

We hope you enjoy this interview about leaving an abusive relationship.

Share Your Experiences with Abusive Relationships

Are you struggling under the weight of an abusive relationship? Have you escaped from your abuser? How’s it going for you? We invite you to call us at 1-888-883-8045 and share your experiences and insights. (Info on Sharing Your Mental Health Experiences here.) You can also leave comments below.

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6 Responses to Leaving An Abusive Relationship

  1. kal123 says:

    I was married to a raging narcisist for years and do I know abuse! All of his hellish insanity heaped upon me by the truckload on a daily basis. All the while going through the severe symptoms of, what I was to later find out was, Schizoeffective Disorder, in addition to having an extremely painful bladder malady called Interstitial Cystist, all the while still maintaining very stressful and demanding employment, and being 3000 miles from a supportive family and friends network. In the literature I am referred to as his victim, but I beg to differ! I am a true and strong survivor, my friends! Only the strong can survive all that and make it out alive! I was finally able to leave, and although it has been an experience I hope to never see again that of the verge of homelessness three times, five moves in seven months, no vehicle, food from the food bank many times, without heat and electricity, having my disability check gone entirely the day I received it to pay what I could, no phone many times, me and my little dog eating beans and rice and ramen noodles for weeks at a time and glad to have them, I am emerging from the deep, dark pit he threw me into better than ever and all the grandiose ideals he only dreams and talks about I’m making happen for me! And oh boy, how he wants me back! Not on your life, pal! After almost two years of marital purgatory, in the form of thankfully, a complete albeit not legal separation, I have an appointment in October with an attorney and sister I’m gonna wash that man right outta my hair for good! You can’t keep a good woman down forever…I’ll be so very happy when I can finally stop having to waste too much of my good time dealing with him…even if that good time is just to clean the dog’s anal glands…lol!!! If you’re in an abusive relationship…get out!!! Yes, it’s hard for awhile, but it’s a hell of a lot better than the alternative. I’m 52 years old but I feel like 35. And it’s all good now and getting better every day!!

  2. kolawole77 says:

    what is abusive sex means???

  3. kolawole77 says:

    what are good results in relationship abusive???

  4. cloudburst says:

    I have decided to post HealthyPlace on my Facebook page. This is the biggest step I have taken in making it public. However, I still am not comfortable pasting on Facebook. I was married to an extremely verbally abusive man for 15 years. I also knew if I stood up to him, he would have physically abused me. It took me 15 years to realize verbal abuse is also abuse. I am hypomanic bipolar and was bullied most of my life. Mental illness was never spoken of in my household growing up. I discovered later on that we had a history of bipolar and manic depression in my family for years. I have turned 50 and have found it impossible to form new friendships other than my new husband. At this time in my life, I find it impossible to make trusting friends in the world other than the Internet.

  5. Jenny says:

    I know getting out of the verbally abusive marriage is the best thing you can do but how if you love him a lot and you feel like you aren’t strong enough to leave

  6. Joanie says:

    What do you do when you’re with someone for 17 years and you have grown up around abuse all your life and someone you love emotionally assaults you every day and says and does the meanest things? What do you do when you’re the one apologizing and you finally doubt yourself? I’m now scared of everything – feeling unworthy like I did something to make this behavior okay but trying to be strong and raise children. They have seen me endure emotional and mental beatdowns to an extent it feels normal to them.

    What do you do when you have no means of escaping – no money, self-esteem, or enough confidence to make it. Like I’ve said I’m walking on eggshells never knowing what I may cause him to do or say feeling and guilty not knowing why. I feel drained like no energy to even feel anything. I know enough that this is killing me but don’t know what to do about it. To say I love him I do, but its a totally different kind. I just want to like me.

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