All of the misconceptions about Dissociative Identity Disorder bother me because they create barriers to diagnosis, treatment, and support. But there’s one myth that bothers me for more personal and, up until today, private reasons. And that’s the assumption that child abuse causes Dissociative Identity Disorder.
Trauma Causes Dissociative Identity Disorder
Like all of the mythology surrounding this diagnosis, the widespread belief that child abuse causes Dissociative Identity Disorder is born from grains of truth. An overwhelming majority of adults with DID report chronic, severe childhood abuse; and a healthy portion of that majority report abuse at the hands of their parents. It’s also true that trauma is the single most consistent factor in the development of Dissociative Identity Disorder. Indeed, child abuse is a form of trauma. But it’s illogical to conclude that because:
- trauma causes DID, and
- child abuse is the form of trauma most people with DID report,
- child abuse causes Dissociative Identity Disorder.
Or worse, all adults with DID have cruel, abusive parents who visited unspeakable horrors on their child. Yes, child abuse equals trauma. But that doesn’t mean trauma equals child abuse. And it’s unfair to talk about DID as if it does.
Assumptions Silence People
Not only is it unfair, it’s silencing. It’s not difficult for me to tell people I have Dissociative Identity Disorder; but it’s difficult knowing the assumptions people make about me and my family because of my diagnosis. I don’t care if people think I’m some bizarre aberration because I have DID. I don’t care if they think I’m an attention-seeking malingerer. But I care very much if they draw ugly conclusions about my family and pass judgment on my parents. And I know I’m not the only one who is troubled every time they hear someone matter-of-factly report that child abuse causes Dissociative Identity Disorder. I know that more people might feel comfortable sharing their diagnosis if they felt assured that by doing so they weren’t involuntarily implicating members of their family of terrible crimes.
Assumptions Isolate People
Living with DID is isolating enough without the toxic rivalry among some of those who have it that stems in part, I firmly believe, from the assumption that child abuse causes Dissociative Identity Disorder. From a reader:
I was born with a serious illness, in and out of the hospital since birth. My parents were always scared I’d die. They weren’t perfect, but they never abused me. I’ve learned not to expect compassion from so called support sites. They act like my DID is less real than theirs because they were abused and I wasn’t. It’s a twisted kind of arrogance and it makes me feel even more lonely.
Don’t Make Assumptions about What Causes Dissociative Identity Disorder
“I have Dissociative Identity Disorder,” means simply and only, “I have Dissociative Identity Disorder.” It isn’t code for, “I was horribly abused.” Please don’t assume that a diagnosis gives you any insight into someone’s history or family of origin. It doesn’t.
I’m glad I read the whole article. This is true for me. We are the ones that don’t always make sense to other DID people. My parent’s or family members did not abuse me. Other trauma’s caused more damage. And trauma can be perceived in many ways. Thanks for your writings.
Thank you Holly
” It’s also true that trauma is the single most consistent factor in the development of Dissociative Identity Disorder. Indeed, child abuse is a form of trauma.”
I also think that being an introspective, imaginative, and creative person make for a way to get through what ever is traumatic to that child. being left alone can be traumatic. an adult screaming at you can be also.
again thank you so much for your blogs have learned much and enjoyed all that I have read.
Hello, Holly:
I have only recently been diagnosed DID; rather, I should say that I have only recently *accepted* a diagnosis of DID — and that, reluctantly. My primary reservation stems from my inability to remember any trauma whatsoever in my childhood. It is further inconcievable to me that my parents could have perpetrated such trauma upon my person nor that they could have been unaware of my having suffered so at the hands of anyone else.
I am in a double-bind: the only way that I can permit such a diagnosis is if I assure myself that my parents are beyond recrimination, but I cannot believe such pathology possible without a contributing souce of significant trauma. I feel as though I am pirouetting on a knife edge in my therapy to “begin to remember what happened that created the need to dissociate.”
I do think that many of us with DID have a complicated relationship with our parents (who doesn’t), but that doesn’t mean that they are the perpetrators of the trauma. I say complicated, because as a child, you hope that your parents will protect you from trauma, and when they can’t or won’t, there is confusion.
I do not have the stereotypically expected childhood history of trauma that goes along with DID. For years, I found myself being terrorized over the thought that I was suddenly going to remember horrible abuse from my childhood (more than I already remembered, because I didn’t feel like what I remembered could have possibly been “bad enough” to split my psyche). Every time I had a nightmare, I drove myself mad trying to figure out if it was a clue of something I couldn’t remember.
I don’t know what changed, but one day I realized that it was my coping skill for stress. Regardless of abuse or no abuse, I endured incredibly amounts of stress throughout my childhood that I wasn’t able to cope with nor was given much help for. Admittedly, my parents were emotionally abusive and manipulative, and often sexually inappropriate, but nothing fit what I thought had to have happened for a diagnosis like DID. And, eventually, I realized that was okay. Nothing is ever that clear cut and I’m sad that I wasted so much time terrorizing myself over misconceptions and misgivings about a disorder that so few people really understand anyway.
So, it is possible that one could become a ‘dissociated individual’ without having suffered repeated abuse or trauma…?
I would support the evidence that describes my parents’ behavior as dismissive and minimizing and often neglectful; my father was bipolar and my family-life was unstable, at best. Given this information, I can even understand how an exam at the age of five revealing the possibility of sexual abuse might be ignored by my parents. (I do not remember making the complaints that necessitated such an exam, but my mother reluctantly shared this information with me when I, led by a previous psychiatrist’s suspicion of such some years ago, made direct inquiry of her.)
Is “healing” possible without recovering memories? What if there are no traumatic incidents to recall?
Hi everyone,
@Janice, thank you so much for reading. Indeed, trauma is the effect something has on a person’s psyche, not the something itself.
@LeeDeb yes, I so agree with this: “I also think that being an introspective, imaginative, and creative person make for a way to get through what ever is traumatic to that child.” I firmly believe I have Dissociative Identity Disorder (as opposed to some other coping mechanism) because I am, by nature, highly imaginative and prone to dissociation.
@castorgirl wow, this hadn’t occurred to me: “I say complicated, because as a child, you hope that your parents will protect you from trauma, and when they can’t or won’t, there is confusion.” That’s really insightful, thank you. The more I think about it, the more I see that even if a parent is genuinely doing all they can for a child, and is by all rights an amazing parent, there is an inherent betrayal in their inability to protect, to keep bad things from happening, regardless of their degree of power. It isn’t fair, but there you have it.
@Stephanie I’m really glad you made the stress connection. That’s really what DID is, a way of coping with overwhelming stress that surpasses the child’s resources. What causes the stress matters insofar as it matters to the person who experiences it, but it doesn’t matter in terms of quantifying the stress in the first place. Trauma is the effect something has on us, not the something itself.
Hi Akid,
I’m glad you commented.
I have been in your double-bind before. It’s a decidedly uncomfortable place to be. Let me tell you what I’ve discovered in the 6 years since I was diagnosed:
A – I have met only one person diagnosed with DID who never wondered why they have DID, who never thought or said something on the order of, ‘but what happened to me wasn’t bad enough to cause DID!’ I’m sure there are others, but it’s telling that I have spoken to and heard from hundreds of people with DID over the years and only one has claimed never to wonder if their trauma was “bad enough.”
B – Without fail, every time I’ve ever heard someone wonder why they have DID because what happened to them wasn’t “that bad” and they go on to reference something from their childhood, it is always “that bad.” We don’t recognize it as such because we associate this diagnosis exclusively with nightmares beyond imagination. That’s a myth. DID is the result of repetitive dissociative coping due to overwhelming stress that exceeds the psyche’s resources. There are plenty of people who suffered genuine nightmare childhoods and do not have DID or any other dissociative disorder. We cannot rely on measuring “how bad” an experience was to validate this diagnosis. That’s a subjective measure and ultimately a really good way to drive yourself nuts.
C – I read your second comment, which validates answer B above. You say, ” … my father was bipolar and my family-life was unstable, at best.” That one sentence tells us why you have Dissociative Identity Disorder. But then you go on to say, “Given this information, I can even understand how an exam at the age of five revealing the possibility of sexual abuse might be ignored by my parents.” So now we have even more information – something (perhaps not sexual abuse, but something) led to that examination. An examination that, even as an adult would be invasive and upsetting. You were five. The exam itself may have been traumatic. I don’t point this out to try and get you to attach new meaning to old memories. I point it out because you’re saying, essentially, I don’t remember trauma but, in fact, you do. You are looking for something larger, something huge and heinous, yes? I ask because that was once my mistake and I see countless others make it too, it’s understandable. Your memories don’t seem to match up to what you believe causes DID. The reason for that is two-fold:
1) The causes of DID have been so sensationalized and dramatized at this point that you are left to compare your own history with a myth. 2) Dissociation itself affects how we store memories … what you reported doesn’t feel traumatic to you because, I’m guessing, the emotions and the facts are stored separately.
This is terribly long-winded, I’m sorry. It’s late and my brain is tired and when that happens I lose the ability to be succinct. I hope you’ll read this post and watch the accompanying video. I think it might help: http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/dissociativeliving/2011/01/dissociative-identity-disorder-video-dissociative-memory/
One last thing: You mention you have only recently been diagnosed. Please know that the ISSTD’s treatement guidelines for adults with Dissociative Identity Disorder, along with every clinician I respect in the field of trauma and dissociation recommend a phase oriented treatment approach with phase one concentrating on stabilization, symptoms reduction, and skills training … NOT processing traumatic material. Obviously, if things come up, they come up and must be dealt with. But overall, the first stage of DID treatment should focus on, as I said, stabilization, symptom reduction, and skills training. You may be interested in a book called Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation, Skills Training for Patients and Therapists. It’s an excellent manual for phase one treatment and is easy to use in therapy.
Dear Holly,
I am overwhelmed with gratitude by such a thoughful and comprehensive repsonse to my questions. I have been searching, searching, searching for someone or something which might validate my experience and misgivings in coming to terms with this diagnosis.
“…and ultimately a really good way to drive yourself nuts.”
I’ve driven myself nuts over this for so long that the odometer in my mind has flipped twice.
The material in your blog, Holly, has been among the most useful and practical I have found beyond the simple listing of symptoms (few of which I could readily endorse) that most mental-health websites publish. I appreciate reading your work and the messages of those who follow your post. I will pursue the resources you have included above. Thank you.
Hi Holly,
My DID was caused when I was a victim of abuse and trauma, but I was never abused as a child by my parents or family members. In fact, I grew up in a loving family. Thank you for exposing the myth that DID is not caused by child abuse. I appreciate your article.
I was taught to create separate identities the first time by a great grandmother. Not my parents. Other people also taught me to split off what was being done. Some family, some not family. But all very intentionally done by people to make me a slave to their abuse.
Holly, I just read this blog post and was thankful to find someone else who feels the same way. I was recently diagnosed with DID and I have feared getting into what I don’t remember from my childhood, which is most of my life until age 12, because I don’t believe I was abused. I know for a fact my parents were not abusive but everything I read points to child abuse as the only cause of DID. Hopefully they will do more studies in this and not stereo-type this so much. Again your insights are very helpful, thank you:)
Thank you so much for this. I don’t have DID, but am on the spectrum. I have a clear split in my psyche arising from birth trauma [premature, forceps, separation from my Mum for too long, depressed mother] and a stressful home and school environment through my growing up years. I was repeatedly publicly ridiculed and attacked at school by my peers for my vulnerabilities – the teachers did nothing, and at home domestic violence, emotional abuse, and depressed, untreated parents left me no safe space to go to. So I went away inside myself, I went away into hiding, my traumatised self rampaging through years later in my breakdowns.
My parents weren’t intentionally abusive and neglectful, they were both unwell and immature and frightened of the world and didn’t know how to manage an insecure, withdrawn, traumatised child.
My peers at school who bullied me for over a decade did intentionally abuse me.
And of course birth trauma isn’t an intentional abuse as such. Especially as everything was done to keep me alive, it just damaged me and my ability to form secure attachments.
I have spent a lot of my online forum space feeling I have to try and validate my own experiences. Too many people judge or invalidate me for not having a ‘bad enough’ [sexually abusive] past to have DID-like symptoms, and I’ve also been accused of ‘faking’ DID.
Another myth is that you have to have DID to have alters/parts, and have been diagnosed by a psychiatrist no less. [Try that with the NHS!] And really, you don’t have to have DID to have separate self states. You just have to have been traumatised, usually repeatedly, and starting from a young age, in some way. Shock! Horror! True, in DID they’re more defined, but. Borderline, C-PTSD, any diagnosis on the trauma spectrum can cause splits. And, remember people, a formal official diagnosis isn’t a badge of courage, it’s what YOU live with every day, what you know in your heart is true that counts.
Thank you for posting this.
I wholeheartedly agree with you, Holly, and many others who have commented. I too am part of a DID family/system; I am not the original, but I and others were the result of needed hospital visits when we were very, very young. I was also one of those who was so terrified of finding out if my parents had done something unspeakable. Thankfully, I have since found out that, while my parents were sometimes unpredictable, they never intentionally hurt me in any way.
I very much appreciate your reply to Akid, because it helps me have a different perspective on what I already know. My counselor has tried to help me see it that way, but I guess hearing it from another source really helped. Thank you.