• advertisement

Our Mental Health Blogs

How It Feels When Your Verbal Abuser Is a Nice Guy

How It Feels When Your Verbal Abuser Is a Nice Guy

It's almost impossible for others to comprehend that Mr. Nice Guy could be your abuser. How could someone so charming be abusive? But in fact, it's common.Here’s how it feels when people tell you that your verbally abusive ex-boyfriend is a “nice guy.” At first, it makes you doubt yourself, as if you could have made the whole thing up or that you must be overreacting. It feels as though the whole world is reinforcing the idea that well-established, charismatic men cannot possibly be held accountable for abuse. It’s frustrating and maddening that no one is willing to recognize the pain he inflicted on you. You cry, shout, and doubt yourself some more. But then you stop being angry. You stop expecting others to understand. Instead, you nod and smile and make peace with what you know to be true. And here’s to deal with it when your verbal abuser is a nice guy.

Continue reading

Can You Save Your Abuser’s New Girlfriend From Abuse?

Can You Save Your Abuser’s New Girlfriend From Abuse?

Is it your job to warn your abuser's new girlfriend of his abuse? If so, is there a way of protecting her without compromising your own safety? Read this.

One of the questions many abuse victims will ask themselves is, “Is it my job to warn my abuser’s new girlfriend of his behavior?” And I must admit, this has stumped me every time it’s been brought up in the comments section of a Verbal Abuse in Relationships blog post. When my abusive boyfriend broke up with me, I swiftly deleted him from all of my social media accounts. We also lived in different cities, so when he did meet someone else I didn’t know about it until months afterward. But when the inevitable photos of him with other women found their way into my news feed, I couldn’t help wondering if it was my job to warn my abuser’s new girlfriend of what he was capable of.

Continue reading

Easy Targets for Verbal Abuse: Why Me?

Easy Targets for Verbal Abuse: Why Me?

Are some people easy targets for verbal abuse? When I look back at my 20-year-old self, I see an easy target for abuse. Knowing that can protect me. Here's why.Could you be an easy target for verbal abuse? Or have you ever wondered why you were verbally abused in a relationship? By that, I don’t just mean why your partner was abusive, but more specifically why he picked you as his target. The general consensus seems to be that anyone can fall prey to an abuser, but is that really the case, or are some people more susceptible to emotional abuse and manipulation than others? Are some of us easy targets for verbal abuse?

Continue reading

How To Recover From Emotional Trauma of Domestic Abuse

How To Recover From Emotional Trauma of Domestic Abuse

People wondering how to recover from emotional trauma really want to know how long recovery will take. Unfortunately, there is no solid time frame for recovering from emotional trauma. But, if we can slow down a minute and understand how to recover from emotional trauma, then the how long will it take part will handle itself. 

Continue reading

Heal From Abuse: Decide What You Want Not What You Don’t Want

Heal From Abuse: Decide What You Want Not What You Don’t Want

Healing from abuse often requires trying different techniques. Learn how to decide what you want to help heal from an abusive relationship.

If you have read about domestic violence, then know that healing from abuse can be as difficult as living in it. You’ve read that leaving abusive relationships is not easy and can be downright dangerous. You read about the cycle of abuse and the power and control wheel. You’ve also come to understand that whether you believe you are abused or if you continue to question if your partner abuses you, your relationship is not a healthy one. Hopefully, at the very least, you realize the problem in your relationship cannot be entirely your fault (relationships take two, you know) and your mental disorders or problems like codependency explain only a fraction of the story.

Continue reading

Find Your Hidden Trauma Triggers Caused by Domestic Abuse

Find Your Hidden Trauma Triggers Caused by Domestic Abuse

Hidden trauma triggers cause symptoms that can be mistaken for signs of domestic abuse when there is no abuser. Learn how to recognize hidden trauma triggers.

The trauma triggers discussed in the last post (How To Handle Trauma Triggers Caused By Domestic Abuse) typically result in anxiety or panic attacks. You can often find a cause for those types of trauma triggers and there is a way to handle the anxiety they cause at the time they occur.

On the other hand, hidden trauma triggers are situations, relationships or events that subconsciously remind an abuse survivor of the abuse they experienced and cause the survivor to feel or act out in ways they did during the abusive relationship for several days or longer.

Continue reading

How To Handle Trauma Triggers Caused By Domestic Abuse

How To Handle Trauma Triggers Caused By Domestic Abuse

Dealing with trauma triggers can help us heal the effects of domestic abuse. Learn how to identify trauma triggers and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Many people living in abuse and people who have left their abusers experience trauma triggers related to what they saw, heard, smelled, touched or tasted during abusive attacks. The trauma triggers are different for everyone, but fortunately, we can handle trauma triggers similarly.

Continue reading

Abuse Victims: You Are Beautiful, Strong and Courageous

Abuse Victims: You Are Beautiful, Strong and Courageous

Abuse defines victims as ignorant, selfish and less important than everyone else. Abuse lies. Abuse victims, you need to hear this today - a message for you.

In the following video, I say to you what I needed to remember today. I am less than no one. I have value. I am chock full of potential and promise. So are you.

To help me remember I am worthy, I have to remember the vocabulary of abuse. The vocabulary of abuse is the words and techniques abusers use to keep abuse victims as victims. When I was an abuse victim, I found myself confused: I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t decipher or describe what that something could be (Gaslighting: Designed to Destroy Your Sanity). Before I knew there was a vocabulary of abuse, I was destined to remain an abuse victim .

Continue reading

Beware: You Attract Abusive Predators When You Ignore Intuition

Beware: You Attract Abusive Predators When You Ignore Intuition

Have you read the story of Bluebeard? In short, Bluebeard, an abusive predator, marries a naïve girl and gives her all the keys to his castle, but tells her to never use the tiny key with the beautiful scroll top. So, of course, the girl seeks the door the key will open. She unlocks the door and sees the dead bodies of Bluebeard’s former wives. In some versions, the girl escapes Bluebeard’s wrath and in others she dies.

Initially, I equated the story of Bluebeard’s wife with myself as a formerly abused woman. After reading Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D., I agree with the author that Bluebeard is the voice in our heads that traps us in abusive relationships (and many other foul situations).

Continue reading

Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex Challenges Abuse Survivors 

Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex Challenges Abuse Survivors 

Description of A “Toxic Ex”

A toxic ex is any co-parent who creates a loyalty conflict for your child(ren). Loyalty conflicts occur when your child believes they must choose one parent over the other.
A toxic ex will do things like:

  • Restrict or hinder communication and/or contact between you and your children.
  • Talk badly about you to your children.
  • Erase and Replace You (This phrase comes from Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex and means to “. . . erase you from your child’s heart, mind, and memory and install someone else . . .”).
  • Undermine you.
  • Persuade your kids to not trust you and urge them to betray your trust (the “divide and conquer to maintain control” routine).
Continue reading


Follow Us

  • advertisement

in Verbal Abuse in Relationships Comments

Mental Health Newsletter

Sign up for the HealthyPlace mental health newsletter for latest news, articles, events.

Mental Health
Newsletter Subscribe Now!

Mental Health Newsletter

Sign up for the HealthyPlace mental health newsletter for latest news, articles, events.

Log in

Login to your account

Username *
Password *
Remember Me