Here’s how it feels when people tell you that your abusive ex-boyfriend is a “nice guy.” At first, it makes you doubt yourself, as if you could have made the whole thing up or that you must be overreacting. It feels as though the whole world is reinforcing the idea that well-established, charismatic men cannot possibly be held accountable for abuse. It’s frustrating, maddening, that no one is willing to recognize the pain he inflicted on you. You cry, you shout, you doubt yourself some more. But then you stop being angry. You stop expecting others to understand. Instead, you nod and smile and make peace with what you know to be true. And here’s how.