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Our Mental Health Blogs

Releasing Anger in Eating Disorder Recovery

Releasing Anger in Eating Disorder Recovery

At some point in your eating disorder recovery, you will need to release anger. Recovery is an interesting process and it can also be tough. When anger comes up, it’s important to know how to handle it so that it doesn’t get stuck in your body and trigger eating disorder patterns (How to Channel Anger Constructively). Take a look at these helpful suggestions to help you release anger as it arises in your eating disorder recovery. 

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Why I Connect with Others Suffering from A Mental Illness

Why I Connect with Others Suffering from A Mental Illness

As a mental health advocate, I would like to share with you how it has been important to me to engage in conversations with other like-minded individuals suffering from a mental illness, and, in turn, share with them some of my own experience in battling my eating disorder, bulimia. I do not think it would have been possible to maintain my eating disorder recovery for a few years by now, without having shared some of my struggles with other people who could relate to my journey simply because they have had to cope with their own issues when it comes to mental health.

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When Your Eating Disorder Isn’t Your Only Worry

When Your Eating Disorder Isn’t Your Only Worry

I caught myself thinking the other day, “I wish I JUST had an eating disorder” or “I wish I JUST had bipolar.” Meaning, of course, that I wish I only had to deal with one of my many mental health diagnoses as opposed to dealing with them all at once.

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Determined to Die? Suicide and Anorexia Nervosa

Determined to Die? Suicide and Anorexia Nervosa

21 October 2010

Too much strain. Too many failures. Never better. Never good enough. I can’t handle it anymore.

Sorry,

I love you,

Angela

I had tried. God knows I had tried, but I couldn’t seem to recover from anorexia no matter what I did. I just couldn’t seem to find the strength to get better and really live.

So I decided to kill myself. I climbed up on a chair, wrapped my favorite red scarf around my neck several times, and then tied it to the chandelier in my dining room. I made sure it was tight. All I had to do was kick the chair away from me.

I couldn’t do it.

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Depression, Eating Disorders, and Recovery

Depression, Eating Disorders, and Recovery

Depression and anorexia go hand in hand.

And it doesn’t end during recovery.

It started out slowly.

Not following my meal plan. Eliminating foods here and there.

It’s okay. I’m still eating.

Then the apathy started. I couldn’t seem to do anything. Dishes went unwashed. Laundry piled up. My study exploded with paper and books, piles everywhere. A thin layer of soap scum accumulated on the tub’s surface. Bills didn’t get paid.

I couldn’t read. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t write. I couldn’t even think.

Then on Sunday night, I took a bunch of laxatives.

Why?

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Self-Hatred and Eating Disorders

Self-Hatred and Eating Disorders

Fat.

Stupid.

Ugly.

Weak.

Never good enough.

Self-hatred is a core feeling in many people suffering from eating disorders.

Including me.

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Hitting Rock Bottom: Finding Balance During Recovery From Anorexia, Alcohol, and Prescription Drug Abuse

Hitting Rock Bottom: Finding Balance During Recovery From Anorexia, Alcohol, and Prescription Drug Abuse

I woke up in a cold sweat, terrified. My heart was racing and I was fighting nausea. I was still wearing the clothes I came home in the day before. I reached for my cell phone and quickly called 911. I was panicking and it was difficult for me to talk. I explained what was going on while the dispatcher tried to calm me and get me to take my pulse. Soon the paramedics and police were at my home.

I was freezing as they wheeled me out to the waiting ambulance. At the hospital, I told them that I had been in an area hospital for seven days for re-feeding and detox from alcohol and prescription drugs. I noticed a slight change in their attitude as they listened. Soon, I was told that it was caused by withdrawal from benzodiazepines, or tranquilizers. The ER staff then discharged me at 1:30 a.m.

I arrived home, confused and wondering if I would ever get better.

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Hitting Rock Bottom: Inpatient Treatment for Anorexia, Alcohol, and Prescription Drug Abuse

Hitting Rock Bottom: Inpatient Treatment for Anorexia, Alcohol, and Prescription Drug Abuse

It was 3 a.m., January 1, 2012. I had been struggling to sleep for hours. All had did though was constantly shift around in my hospital bed and throw covers on and off, as my head throbbed and waves of heat flushed my face. It left me hot and then freezing cold.

It was the last night of my hospital stay and I had gotten progressively sicker in the past few days. The nurses simply told me I must have the flu or something since I had a slight fever and struggled to eat — not a good thing for a recovering anorexic. I pushed the call button for the night nurse, hoping for some relief but knowing I had just taken a pain killer a few hours before and, therefore, there was nothing anyone could do. He brought me a box of tissues as I started crying and tossing around, saying “I guess this is what they call hitting rock bottom, huh?” He told me to go ahead and cry.

I had been in the hospital since December 26. It has been both the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done.

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Behind Locked Doors: Deciding On Inpatient Treatment

Behind Locked Doors: Deciding On Inpatient Treatment

In February 2010, I entered inpatient treatment for anorexia nervosa, anxiety, and depression. I felt like a complete failure that this was my sixth inpatient admission, and I vowed that it would be my last admission.

On Monday, I will once again admit myself to the hospital for six days of psychiatric treatment. It was a difficult decision to make, and one that many of us struggling with eating disorders and co-morbid illnesses often face.

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Eating Disorder Recovery: Dealing With The Emotions

Eating Disorder Recovery: Dealing With The Emotions

For weeks, I have struggled to do anything beyond the bare minimum.

Eating disorders are in part coping mechanisms, and can be deceptively helpful in masking painful emotions. That can make recovery from an eating disorder very difficult, because most people struggle with painful emotions and would rather push these feelings aside than face them.

I always like to think I am different – but I am not – and that I can push through the emotions the recovery stirs up. Each time I begin the recovery process with a fierce determination to beat anorexia nervosa for the last time. I feel strong and sure as I start to eat regular meals and snacks and stop all related eating disorder behaviors, and I know in my heart that I will travel the road to full recovery without roadblocks or detours.

But emotions can only be suppressed for so long, and I inevitably become anxious and depressed as I begin to eat like a normal person. Determination fades and strength wavers as all the emotions that I couldn’t feel while in the middle of my eating disorder come roaring back, leaving me cowering in the corner.

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