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Our Mental Health Blogs

Bipolar and Self-Harm Denial — I Want to Hurt Myself But Don't

Bipolar and Self-Harm Denial — I Want to Hurt Myself But Don't

I have bipolar disorder and urges to self-harm. No, this doesn’t mean my diagnosis is wrong, it just means that I happen to have a mental health issue outside of my bipolar diagnosis. But let me be clear: I deny my self-harm urges. Even though I want to hurt myself, I don’t. But this hurts. If the only thing in the world that you wanted to do had to be denied, wouldn’t it hurt you, too?

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Bipolar and Energy Levels: Fluctuations During the Day

Bipolar and Energy Levels: Fluctuations During the Day

Fluctuations in energy levels in bipolar disorder can be a challenge to manage, at least, in my experience. What I find, is that my energy fluctuates throughout the day in unusual and very bipolar ways. These hourly energy changes require care and interrupt what I want to do. It might be due to the fact that I tend to cycle very rapidly (when I truly cycle, which is rare), but from what I can tell, bipolar causes energy level changes throughout the day.

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Why I Hate Having Bipolar

Why I Hate Having Bipolar

There are so many reasons why I hate having bipolar that I could have a whole blog just on that alone and I’m sure other people could join me in their hatred of bipolar disorder, too. I do realize that hating an illness is normal and that enumerating the reasons why one hates a disease is a bit of a rant, but, what can I tell you, this is my space and I’m going to tell you why I have having bipolar disorder (Bipolar Is Unfair).

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Bipolar and Managing Extreme “All-or-Nothing” Behaviors

Bipolar and Managing Extreme “All-or-Nothing” Behaviors

People with bipolar disorder often have extreme behaviors that personify the “all-or-nothing” school of thought. This thinking is pretty self-explanatory: either you do everything or you do nothing but never anything in between. For example, you become the most health-conscious person and eat only lettuce and chicken breast while running every day or you sit on your couch, Netflix-binging and eating ice cream. Either you have a relationship with the most beautiful person with every-second fireworks and storybook romance or you refuse relationships entirely. I am guilty of bipolar all-or-nothing, extreme behaviors/thinking, often according to mood, but I do try to manage them.

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Adrenaline Rushes and Bipolar Disorder

Adrenaline Rushes and Bipolar Disorder

I was thinking about adrenaline rushes and bipolar disorder the other day after I got to hang off the side of the CN Tower, the tallest, freestanding structure in the Western Hemisphere. Taking the Edge Walk, as they call it, around the outside of the building, 1168 feet in the air, led to a huge adrenaline rush (Bipolar Treatment and Risk Tolerance). So what is the effect of an adrenaline rush on bipolar disorder?

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Bipolar Triggers You Can’t Control

Bipolar Triggers You Can’t Control

I’ve written a lot about bipolar triggers over the years and usually I write about bipolar triggers you can control (Pushing Aside Daily Mental Health Triggers is Tough). But, as we all know, there are some bipolar triggers you can’t control. I’m dealing with one right now: the death of my father. His death was very inconvenient to me in that I certainly had no time for it. I have no time for a memorial, I have no time to write a eulogy and I certainly have no time (or brain space) to grieve (Coping With Loss: Bereavement and Grief).

But, of course, no one asks for permission to die and no one does it on a schedule. His death happened and I have to deal with it and it’s definitely a bipolar trigger I can’t control.

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I’m Scared of Bipolar Hypomania

I’m Scared of Bipolar Hypomania

I realized the other night that I am scared of hypomania. Some of you may remember that a little while ago I suffered a particularly notable hypomania and it was then followed up by a huge, debilitating depression. And last night I realized that while hypomania for me, is not necessarily, always unpleasant, I’m actually scared of hypomania.

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Being a People Pleaser Because of Bipolar

Being a People Pleaser Because of Bipolar

I admit it; I’m a bit of a people pleaser because of bipolar disorder. How is this possible? Well, I suppose I have a bit of a fear of abandonment – as most people with bipolar disorder do. This isn’t an irrational, “please don’t leave me” kind of a thing, it’s the experience of having had people leave my life because of bipolar and not wanting that to happen again. So I try people pleasing because of bipolar.

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Being Honest with Your Psychiatrist

Being Honest with Your Psychiatrist

I have always argued that being honest with your psychiatrist is critical. Simply put, if your doctor doesn’t know what’s wrong, how can he possibly help you? But it’s hard to be honest with a psychiatrist and many people aren’t.

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Depression – I Can’t Make a Decision, Everything Feels Wrong

Depression – I Can’t Make a Decision, Everything Feels Wrong

When I’m depressed I can’t make decisions because everything feels “wrong.” I know that’s really vague but that’s how it feels. If feels like doing thing A is wrong but so is doing thing B. Doing something feels wrong and so does doing nothing. When I’m actually doing something, it feels like I should be doing something else, something more. When I’m depressed it feels like every decision is the wrong decision, every move is the wrong move. Depression makes me not able to make a decision.

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