I know morning sickness is a good sign pregnancy wise, but ingrained into my subconscious I feel throwing up is considered a setback. So my anxiety is also on the rise with some nausea – not pregnancy related. I know the anxiety is because of something I am telling myself (aka self-talk). To figure this all out, I know I have to do a writing exercise. So far, it is the best skill I have learned to help me overcome and manage my anxiety.
Psychologist, anxiety treatment specialist and author, Edmund J. Bourne, Ph.D, defines Self Talk and how it works:
- It is so automatic and subtle you don’t notice it or the effect it has on your moods and feelings.
- It appears in telegraphic form- one short word or image (“Oh no!) contains a whole series of thoughts, memories, or associations.
- Anxious self-talk is typically irrational but almost always sounds like the truth.
- Negative self-talk perpetuates avoidance.
- Self-talk can initiate or aggravate a panic attack.
- Negative self-talk is a series of negative bad habits. (You have to reprogram your brain to say helpful uplifting confident talk to remove the negative thoughts. Read about how women with anxiety are especially prone to negative self-talk and negative thoughts about themselves.)
A Writing Exercise to Figure Out Negative Self-Talk
Journaling my thoughts, no matter how silly or stupid they sound, is the first step in this writing exercise. I do this so that I can figure out what negative things I am telling myself subconsciously which, in turn, is causing the anxiety.
- I am frustrated because I should be stronger than this. I shouldn’t be experiencing anxiety at all.
- What if my anxiety is really bad throughout the entire pregnancy? How will I ever take care of my family?
Now there’s some red flags. If you ever use the words “I should” or “I have to” than that is the Perfectionist. The Perfectionist is a sub-personality which promotes negative self-talk, contributing to chronic stress and burnout.
The words “What if” are used when the Worrier sub-personality is causing anxiety.
The other kinds of sub-personalities are the Victim (“I can’t. I’ll never be able to) which promotes depression, and the Critic (“Can’t you ever get it right?”) which promotes low self-esteem.
Switch It, Change It, Rearrange It
It’s important to be able to recognize when you are promoting this self-talk behavior and what you are telling yourself. Then you counter your negative self-talk with positive counter-statements (positive affirmations) that you believe in or want to believe in.
I will replace those thoughts with some new ones:
- I can let my body do its thing. I accept these feelings and know that they will eventually pass.
- I am okay the way that I am right now.
- This is not permanent.
- You have survived this before, you can do it again.
- Your family loves and supports you.
Next time I am feeling anxious, instead of letting my thoughts race, I will take deep breaths and say these things to myself slowly until I calm down.