Parenting Bipolar Children - Transcript - Dealing with Mood Issues

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

sqhill: Please provide us parents with some positive statements to help us to continue to be the best advocates we can for our children. We are the only ones who can help our children even though it is so difficult for us. I always wonder if I am doing everything I can because the process is so slow.

George Lynn: Sqhill, there is a trick process here in terms of parents' self-esteem. On one hand, raising kids like ours can be bruising. We just want to get away from it. On the other, it really helps to keep a vision of what is possible for your child, and to document his accomplishments and yours. Keep your sense of humor and try to find the central patterns in his personality that are unique.

Oftentimes our kids can think deeper and be more creative than "neurotypicals," so holding that vision is very important. When you look at how civilization has progressed, you find bipolars all throughout the map. Yours may be such a one! And you are right, no one is going to be there for him if you're not!

MB0821: Mr. Lynn, what advice can you offer to single parents of bipolar children, especially where the non-custodial parent is bipolar and non-compliant with bipolar medications?

George Lynn: Educate your child about the situation as best you can. Teach him to monitor himself when he is with your ex. Wear your cell phone so he can call if he has to, and try to control medications from your end so that he is less dependent on your ex to get them. If the ex is un-medicated, your child may be in danger. This is a pattern I see in some situations. Oftentimes the ex may be diagnosed "borderline personality disorder" or show symptoms of this. Follow the situation very closely and get involved legally if you have to. Once again, having a supportive professional in the picture is essential.

ginger_5858: Having supervised visitation with an unstable, non-custodial parent might be a good idea.

spmama123:The biggest problem is my ex doesn't believe in bipolar medications or that there really is a problem.

janice34: I have an ex that just doesn't believe there is a problem, first off, and secondly, that meds are not the answer - discipline is.

Batty: Keeping a sense of humor and a positive vision is helped greatly by support from places like CABF--and in my area we have even started local support groups. It's wonderful and life-saving, to say the least. Thanks !

C.Gates: Let the non-custodial parent take the child for a few weeks off of the meds and they will change their minds. I know that one untreated bipolar can not handle another untreated bipolar.

MB0821: At what age do you begin discussing the more technical aspects of the bipolar disorder with children?

George Lynn: MBO81, you have got to make sure that your timing is right and that the way you explain it is understandable to the child. There is not particular age, but it is important for him or her to have the issue put in terms that are age appropriate. I talk a bit about this in chapter 1 of my book.

Kids with these challenges are usually eager to make sense of the situation, so I will tell them that their brains just have a tendency to overheat at times, or that they are like big ships and it is hard to stop them once they get going, and that the bipolar medications and their self-control strategies help them so they can have friends and be successful.

flyingfingers: Mr Lynn, my husband and I had the privilege of attending the Chadd conference in Chicago last month where we heard you speak. We have an 18 year old who was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder last April, after years of being labeled ADHD and ODD. One of our many problems is that our 24 year old son, who is living at home while he finishes nursing school, has little patience with his brother. He is also very critical of our parenting decisions. Any ideas on how we can help him see life through his brother's eyes?

George Lynn: Your question points to the essential presence of a good family therapist who understands Bipolar Disorder and sibling issues. I would address the issue to your 24 year old as a professional consideration. What can he learn from his brother about the kinds of people that he will treat in hospital? Sometimes it takes distance for siblings to overcome their resentment and you may just have to wait it out and give information to the 24 year old when he can hear it.

sebastian: I also printed out information from CABF for my son to read. Also, NAMI's family-to-family class has wonderful information about how the brain works and how medications affect it. The light bulb went off for him, and he accepted his diagnosis better.

carol bova: My son often asks, "Whats wrong with me?" He's 11 and knows something is not right; he becomes frustrated from not knowing why he feels the way he does.

George Lynn: Some kids can understand the triune brain model. I tell them they have three brains - draw pictures of these. We have the cortex (the civilized brain), the limbic brain (the animal brain), and the base brain (heartbeat, etc.). I tell kids with Bipolar Disorder that, in their case, the limbic brain sometimes sits as an equal at the table with the cortex and that the medications help their thinking brain keep things in check.

Martha Hellander: George, I want to commend you for your first book Survival Strategies for Parenting Your ADD Child (as you call them "Attention Different") as well as your new one on parenting bipolar kids. The earlier one was the only thing I could find in 1996 when my 8 year old daughter was diagnosed. Your description of the "limbic wave" was so approprate. I still refer to it often when talking to parents on the CABF message boards.

George Lynn: Thanks, Martha! The "limbic wave" that Martha mentions is how I describe the sudden explosivity of our kids.

MarciaAboutBP: We have a Bipolar parent who, in defending himself from a raging 16 year old child, threw up a forearm, which hit the child and broke her nose. The father was arrested for child abuse. How can parents explain when the child is so violent?

George Lynn: Marcia, you need keep a track record by way of a good psychiatric evaluation. The best thing to have is a witness.You are allowed to defend yourself. If you make it clear to investigating officers how you were defending yourself, you should not have a hassle. At the same time, you run the risk of at least having to explain this to a judge. The important thing is for parents to keep their own cool because the limbic brain does not think, and when one limbic brain is talking to another, tragedy can happen!