How to Better Cope with Bipolar - Cope with Bipolar

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

Natalie: One last thing I'd like to address and then we'll get to some more audience questions: discrimination against people with bipolar disorder or any mental illness for that matter. And by that I mean how people - friends, relatives, employers - react to you once they discover you have bipolar. Have you had personal experience with that?

Madeleine Kelly: I have certainly had personal experience. Some friends stay the same but others pretend to be the same, only you can tell they are somehow distant. Others just say 'pull up your socks'. In employment, I've been unlawfully sacked, my contract not extended, invited for sham interviews, and shifted sideways. If like me, you live in a small town, your reputation will be history as soon as people know your secret. In that case, you can giggle because you have no reputation left to lose. Be as mad as you like! However, with relatives, you have to remember that life is a long journey! Some people in my family of origin seem to blame me for my actions while ill and haven't actively stayed in my life. Suits me. If someone doesn't want to continue a relationship with you, shrug. Maybe things will change with time; maybe they won't. Don't wait around to see! Get on with your own stuff.

Natalie: What can someone, and I'm talking on a personal basis, do to effectively cope with the stigma and discrimination when they come face-to-face with it?

Madeleine Kelly: First, remember you can't make anyone else change. If someone reacts badly to your bipolar disorder, that's their inadequacy, not yours. Next, define yourself by who you are, not by your relationships. Love yourself calmly and love your life patiently. Go after your own goals. Decide what's important for you. You can't avoid telling some people, so invent and practice a little spiel that explains but does not apologise. Separate yourself from the disorder at all times. Also, get used to telling half-truths to protect yourself and your reputation. With employers, never, never, never disclose your condition. If you do get sacked or demoted, don't bother to take them to court and waste energy being angry. Use that energy to get a better job or become self-employed. It's just not your job to be the knight on a white horse changing society for the better.

Natalie: Here's an audience comment:

misssmileeyes: great advice! TY! (On my daughters behalf)

Natalie: Here are some more questions:

frustratedmother: I'd like to know how to help a child with bipolar who does not want help?

Madeleine Kelly:How old it the child?

frustratedmother: He's a 17 year old teenager.

Madeleine Kelly:Oh boy! No getting around - it's hard. Sometimes you have to let disaster fall and limit yourself to helping pick up the pieces. That goes for any age. Often the best help is to let the person decide for themselves what sort of life they want but it is so hard as a parent to let go. I suggest trying to focus on living your own life in your own moment; also remind yourself that things will probably get better - somehow. Good luck.

Natalie: Here is a great question from Katie:

katie: If you are in a slump-and can't get moving in a positive way (depression has a hold on you), what techniques do you have for getting out?

Madeleine Kelly:Walk, walk, walk. Last thing you want to do, but it's now being shown that rhythmic, side-to-side exercise like walking or swimming is actually beneficial. Other than that, force yourself to keep going.

Lost2: If you get sacked from a job because they found out about your condition and you don't take them to court or at least voice the fact that you are aware of the reason, isn't that just like letting them trample on you; especially if it happens more than once?

Madeleine Kelly:Yes, and I have found it is in the interests of getting on with my life that there are certain groups and individuals whose behaviour I would like to change

lejamie: What methods, aside from medication, have you found useful when an episode strikes fast? What preventative measures did not work?

Madeleine Kelly:You would need to go over the lead-up events carefully to see if you could influence them to intervene next time. Sometimes though, people just get ambushed. I would recommend getting an expert psychiatric opinion on medication, as sometimes a simple change can help. In this situation you have to rely on your safety nets much more, rather than on stopping the illness as it gets worse. Is this helpful?

Erica85044: I have an 8 year old daughter who currently is without meds (the costs). Until assistance comes through, I have the choice of hospitalization. What impact do you think this will have on her? I can't lose another job and I'm very confused.

Madeleine Kelly:Erica this sounds grim, but I really can't comment as I have experience only in adult hospitals in Australia. I assume you're in the US because we have subsidised meds here.

Natalie: Madeleine, you mentioned not telling people at work about your disorder. Zippert, an audience member, wants to know: What about telling other family members and friends about having bipolar disorder?

Madeleine Kelly:Do they need to know? Do you need to disclose to them? Do you want to get them to realise all those 'bad' things you did were just bipolar? Well, in my experience people just say 'too much information' and rarely change there opinion anyway. Be careful, be selective in what you say and to whom you say it.

Natalie: Our time is up tonight. Thank you, Madeleine, for being our guest. You were extremely helpful and we appreciate you being here. Madeleine's e-book: "Bipolar and the Art of Roller-Coaster Riding" can be found on her website.

Madeleine Kelly:Thank you and good night.

Natalie: I encourage everyone to sign up for our newsletter. It's free and we'll notify you when the transcript is up and of other events happening on the HealthyPlace.com website. I also invite you to sign up for the first and only social network for people with mental health conditions as well as their family members and friends.

Thank you everybody for coming. I hope you found the chat interesting and helpful.

Good night everyone.

Disclaimer: That we are not recommending or endorsing any of the suggestions of our guest. In fact, we strongly encourage you to talk over any therapies, remedies or suggestions with your doctor BEFORE you implement them or make any changes in your treatment.

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