People with the Anxiety Disorders, anxiety, and panic attacks can be so creative. Over the years, I have had the privilege to read the creative outpourings of so many people. Recently, Helen showed her musings and we simply had to add it to our site.

I feared the Monster...

In my mind, I saw it as a huge and daunting creature that wound it's way insidiously along. I would stop now and then and open it's large mouth ready to draw in everything that was within it's range. So far, I had stayed out of it's grasp.

As time went by, I became braver. Closer-and-closer it would draw me, mesmerize me. I did not want to show fear, however, I was indeed afraid of it. Others standing by did not seem to fear it like me, or at least they did not show it.

What was I really so afraid of? Surely it would not hurt me - or - would it? "What if ..." always came into my mind! Then I would walk away.

So near and yet no further, I would go time-and-time again only to turn hastily away once more. I stood transfixed as I watched it close it's gaping mouth and move slowly on it's serpentine way, knowing it would surely return again soon.

Determined to overcome my fear myself, watching and waiting with a sense of foreboding and trepidation, for it to come into view. Sure enough along it came, looming larger than ever. I broke out in a lather of perspiration, my hands shaking and I felt the panic settling in! Others too were watching it's arrival. However, they still appeared calm and expectant. Was there none other that felt like me? Apparently not!

I glanced around and watched as the crowd, almost zombie like, moved closer and closer as the monster came slowly towards them. No one was smiling. They all seemed intent on the creature, mesmerized, hypnotized. They did not appear to consider alternatives.

"I still have time to run away" I thought, but curiosity (or was it morbid fear?) made me stay grounded to the spot. My mouth was dry and my feet seemed like lead when suddenly it was in front of me and again it's huge mouth gaped open.

Almost, without knowing, I was drawn in along with the others who had moved too close. Too late! The mouth clamped shut behind me and I found myself in sheer panic mode. Inside I wanted to scream, to run, to get out - but I remained silent. I felt sick in the pit of my stomach as I felt the monster writhing under my feet as it slowly moved on. No where to run! I looked around and saw a seething, moving mass of captivated people within.

I survived and my fear has now subsided.

Now I can say that a train trip is not so bad after all!

Helen

next: Meditation Stories ~ back to: Personal Stories of Panic-Anxiety