4. The most important aspect is going to be your thinking. It is your thinking that is creating the situation, it is your reaction to the anxiety that it is perpetuating it and it is your specific fears that are the catalyst for the whole scenario. Those fears can be the "what ifs". Only you know what these are but many people have the fear of appearing foolish to others, worry about what other people will think of them, worry that they will commit a social error, are effected by the opinions of others, are afraid of making a fool of themselves, are afraid they will shake in front of others, worry about the kind of impression they will make. These are common fears for many people, but your specific anxiety about the dinners ... you will have to investigate this for yourself. In the end, they are all JUST thoughts. It is their effect on us that is the difference. Sometimes you need to work backwards to find out what is the root fear or thinking pattern. You start to feel the anxiety and then work backwards to find out what was the thought that catapulted that .. the "Oh no", the "what if", the fear thought. Sometimes it is triggered by an image .. eg. people starting to take a seat at the table is enough to trigger the thinking pattern .."Oh no, there is no escape now, here we go again" etc. Whatever it is for you. The thinking aspect is important. Look at the evidence and in the end, the reality is that this is only going to last for say 2 hours and that is all. Compared to the sum total of your live, if you know that the dinner will last for a limited time, it is easier to work with. It is not endless, it is only a small time period. You have the option of breaks during the dinner. The other thing is that you say you will have nothing other to do but eat. As I remember Xmas dinner with my work mates, it is more like a sitcom (TV program) than TV. That is, you take the focus off the food and eating and onto the talking, listening, laughing. You focus is to become engaged in the lively conversation. You don't even have to eat that much if you don't want to. There is no rule that says to have to eat. You have control over this. The reality of the situation is that you can eat when you want and how much. If YOU give youself permission to not have to eat, it takes the pressure off. You don't have to eat. Most people aren't even aware of how much you eat or don't eat, they are too wound up into their own world.

5. The last suggestion I have is one that has worked particularly well for many of my clients. A lady in a situation similar to you found it worked fabulously. It will be time limited, say for 10- 20 minutes and that will be that. It is called imagination restructuring. What you do is create the Xmas party or whatever in your mind. All the scenarios your mind is telling you. You walk into the room and there are all your friends. To talk to them and tell a joke etc. Then the food is brought out and you imagine yourself through the whole dinner. The jokes or stories you'll tell, etc. You see yourself pecking at your food between conversations and it is all fine. You may even drop some food in you lap and no one notices... you see yourself dealing with whatever comes up. You have strategies up your sleeve before the day. At least you in yourself feel that you can deal with whatever you fear will happen. In imagination restructuring, you can see different strategies you can use on the actual day, phrases that can offset any fear you have and it makes it less of a fear of the unknown situation.

In the end, I suggest if you feel this is effecting your life in a detrimental way, then go and see a Clinical Psychologist in your area. As I said, they will help you delve into the hidden dynamics of the "problem". It is not something that you will have to live with for the rest of your life. My thoughts will be with you at Christmastime and hope that these strategies help you.

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