Thoughts control reactions

Tara sat for her first meditation session with a group of first-time meditators. Tara decided before the meditation began that the music would be her focus. Easy enough, she thought, I love music. The meditation session commenced.

Initially, Tara could see through the thoughts that passed, one after the other, through her mind. She gently brought her awareness back to the music. Different thoughts arose to distract her: "What will I do after this is finished? I must get the shopping done before the crowds start. Rotten Bill, he never helps me do anything, he just expects. Maybe the music isn't the best focus. What about using a word or breath?"

Each of these thoughts she successfully let go of and returned to the music. Until ... "I don't like this music." Instantly she bought into it. She tensed up and her mind became rigid. "That's right," flowed the thought process. "This is useless. I'd be better going home and using my own music".

Tara was caught in this thinking process for awhile, getting angry at the instructor for not choosing a better piece of music, feeling agitated for not being able to leave NOW. Suddenly, a lightning bolt of awareness shot through her. "Didn't the instructor say the mind will tell you anything? Isn't I don't like this music" just a thought too?"

She returned her focus back to the music. Resolving it didn't matter- if she liked the music or not-it was just a focus after all. By the end of the meditation session, she reported later, she actually liked the music and found it easy to meditate to. She learned the number one lesson - thoughts control reactions and perception. If a thought says "I don't like .." and if you buy into it ... then you don't like.

Just rubbish?

Joe was a man in his 60's and had developed the disorder after he had retired. He was the first to admit he had pushed himself all his working life and now was reaping the revenge. He was also a man who had tried every thing he could. Most of the time, he was led down paths that just didn't help one bit. To say he was sceptical about any treatment for Anxiety Disorders would be an understatement.

His wife, Elizabeth, dearly wished for him to get well. She saw an advertisement for an Anxiety Disorder Management program and had signed them up for it without consulting Joe. He came along only to please her. He had little faith in anything working at this stage. Every word, every sentence that facilitator said he would doubt and question. Then came the meditation session. "Total rubbish!" he exclaimed openly. "Just try it," assured the facilitator. "Just do it as an experiment. Then judge."

The 20 -minutes were over and Joe said not a word. Everyone left for the day. The second day of the workshop, the facilitator was surprised to see Joe and his wife Elizabeth turn up again. At the break Elizabeth pulled the facilitator aside. "Thank you, thank you" she said, holding back the tears. "Yesterday, as soon as we got home, Joe went straight into his study and closed the door without saying a word. I heard that Pachelbel music being played and he came out after half an hour. He loves it. That meditation changed him. Usually he can't sleep, but last night he did. I think he finally feels he has found something."

next: 'So What' and Other Thoughts Towards Recovery~ back to: Personal Stories of Panic-Anxiety