Meditation

Fred was in his sixties and had experienced panic attacks for many years. Finally he found a solution - meditation. He loved it. From the first time he meditated, he felt peace and relaxed. For weeks he flew. Not one panic attack. His face glowed with his new found freedom.

One day, however, the panic attacks came back and it hit him very hard. Why, why? He was still meditating. Why? It seems Fred had a soft heart and had offered to ferry an acquaintance of his into town everyday. They lived 50km from town. He also had to wait 2 hours while the person finished their business before returning. It was taking it's toll on him.

When asked whether he really wanted to keep doing this, his only reply was that he was concerned for the person "How would they get into town without him taking them?" Are they an adult? "Yes," was the reply. Then it is their responsibility, not his. After awhile Fred admitted he hated it now and felt used. Initially, it was from the heart that he offered, but now it was getting a bit long in the tooth. His mind was filled with anger as he waited those 2 hours in town everyday. What should he do?

Robert was your average middle age guy. He had worked for 20 years at the same job. He worked hard too. He played the corporate game well. However he was starting to feel the effects of this. He noted that his fuse was getting shorter and would generally snap at his wife for no reason at all. He also noted that his concentration was fading and he felt "stressed out" much of the time. Strange feelings used to consume his body. The most disconcerting for him, however, was the chest pain. He felt it much of the time. He was, he knew, in the danger zone for major heart troubles. He feared he was going to have a heart attack. The more he worried about it the greater the chest pain - proof enough for Robert.

After much procrastination, he went to the doctor, fearing the worst. The doctor gave him a full examination with all the appropriate tests. The doctor gave the verdict. There was nothing wrong with his heart. He was the perfect specimen of health. Robert quizzed the doctor about this chest pain and it's severity - after all, he wanted answers. The doctor's only reply was that he felt Robert was stressed and needed to relax a little - perhaps take a vacation.

This, of course, answered none of Roberts concerns. Over the ensuing weeks, his anxiety levels increased off the scale. His major fear - he was going to have a heart attack-he had all the symptoms. Repeatedly he went back to the doctor. Nothing wrong with your heart. Why the chest pain? The doctor told him straight out, you are not going to have a heart attack. Robert needed to understand why he was experiencing all these symptoms and didn't get the answer. He later said, after many years of experiencing an Anxiety Disorder, if only the doctors had answered that initial question, the major fear "What if I am going to have a heart attack" would not have taken root.

Recovered?

Harold was well on the way to recovery from Panic Disorder. He was confused, however, as to why he was feeling anger almost all of the time. He wanted to know how he could get rid of it. Surely something is wrong. Every time he felt anger, he would push it away, hold it down, hold his breath - anything but feel it. Every time he did this, the anxiety levels would rise and he had to work extra hard with his thinking and meditation. He felt that it was a barrier to his ultimate recovery.

He was right. Something was wrong, and it was his perception of anger - that it was a "bad" thing. It was explained to him that this anger was very appropriate. All the years of suffering, shame, fear, the decline of his standard of life, the marriage problems that had been caused by this Anxiety Disorder. Didn't he have a lot to be angry about? It was the final healing. The final acknowledgement of all of this. He no longer battled with his anger but acknowledged it as having a right to be there and to be acknowledged and worked with.

next: Coping the Best They Can ~ back to: Personal Stories of Panic-Anxiety