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Doubt is thought's despair; despair is personality's doubt. . .;
Doubt and despair . . . belong to completely different spheres; different sides of the soul are set in motion. . .
Despair is an expression of the total personality, doubt only of thought. -
Søren Kierkegaard

doubt 1 a : uncertainty of belief or opinion that often interferes with decision-making b : a deliberate suspension of judgment 2 : a state of affairs giving rise to uncertainty, hesitation, or suspense 3 a : a lack of confidence : DISTRUST b : an inclination not to believe or accept dis·or·der 1 : to disturb the order of 2 : to disturb the regular or normal functions of Definitions from Merriam-Webster Dictionary

"Steve"

I found out that I have OCD Two years ago (I am 36) and am currently on medication to help me deal with it. I have read some of what people have written and what you have had to say and would like to say thanks for giving people the chance to hear about all the different forms that OCD can take. One thing that I would like to add is that OCD can take different forms during your life, meaning that as the important things in your life change, so does the doubts (OCD).

I can remember when it first hit me, I was in the sixth grade and had broken my leg ( this gave my mind plenty of time to work). During my younger years I had done things such as taking money from my parents and relatives and candy from stores. When my mind had a chance to let me know what I had been doing, it was a whole new ball game. It went from telling my parents what I had done to telling them things I had not done! This happened because if I could picture myself taking money or a toy etc... in my mind, then it must have happened because I could not erase the idea that maybe I had done it.

As I got older it went from extreme guilt if I bumped into someone to if I had said something that they may not understand to if I could picture anything at all in my mind ( we all know how the mind can work!), having to do with hurting someone, sexuality, etc... I would go into a deep depression thinking that either I had or wanted to do what I had thought of.

The problem has become part of my wife's life now. It has taken on the form of "Do I still Love my wife?", because if I see someone attractive or I if I don't feel the lovey dovy feelings or have the sexual interest, then I must Love my wife? I know that this is not true but it is very hard to deal with.

My wife and I have talked separation, which I hope it doesn't come to that, but I also know that it is hard for my wife to deal with my ups and downs.

Please people, if you are having thoughts or are acting out things that are causing you to be depressed and you feel your life is not in your control, get the help you need. I have, and although I still deal with OCD every day, it is easier to know what is causing the guilt and the reactions I have to my thoughts and to be able to talk about it. Hope this can help someone.

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