Doubt is thought's despair; despair is personality's doubt. . .;
Doubt and despair . . . belong to completely different spheres; different sides of the soul are set in motion. . .
Despair is an expression of the total personality, doubt only of thought. -
Søren Kierkegaard

doubt 1 a : uncertainty of belief or opinion that often interferes with decision-making b : a deliberate suspension of judgment 2 : a state of affairs giving rise to uncertainty, hesitation, or suspense 3 a : a lack of confidence : DISTRUST b : an inclination not to believe or accept dis·or·der 1 : to disturb the order of 2 : to disturb the regular or normal functions of Definitions from Merriam-Webster Dictionary

"Jennie"

I was first introduced to OCD through my son. I knew when he was very young that something was different about him, I just couldn't put my finger on it. It started out with food. He wouldn't eat fruit. Then he wouldn't eat vegetables. He is to the point now, where he will eat only peanut butter. He refuses to eat meat if there is any visible sign of fat on it.

When he was 5, he had a public toilet overflow after he flushed it. He was forever afraid of public toilets. Our family went on a 3-day vacation, and his fear of the toilet caused him to refrain from using the bathroom the entire time. He now gets frequent urinary tract infections due to this fear. Taking him out to the mall or a restaurant for dinner was always a nightmare, and he frequently wet and soiled his pants.

Then came the phone call from his first grade teacher. My son was brushing the dirt off of his chair every 20 minutes or so. In third grade, his teacher informed me that my son could not do his math if the books on the shelf were askew. She would have to let him organize the books so he would do his schoolwork. Sometimes he would have to pick up the dirt and pebbles by the entry to the classroom in order to do his schoolwork.

He refused to sleep under the covers on his bed, because he had made stacks of things all around the edge of his bed. He collected all sorts of things--rocks, wood, rusty metal, wire, funny papers, TFK Magazines (every one he had ever gotten in school!) His room had piles in every corner.

We finally sought treatment for OCD when his obsessive thoughts started interrupting his schoolwork. He was up at 3am doing schoolwork that he was worried over.

After getting treatment for my son, I became familiar with OCD. I realized that I had some symptoms, also, but I was not ready to go to the Psychiatrist. I knew I was quirky, but I could live with it.

My biggest problem is piles all over the house. I just can't throw anything away, not even junk mail. After all, I might need the paper to start a fire one day when there is no heat or electricity in the dead of winter. I finally went to the doctor because I was suffering from severe depression, due to the clutter in my house, and my inability to keep up with any of the housework. I was sleeping most of the day, and crying most of the time I was awake.

When I filled out the personal survey form, my doctor informed me that I had OCD. He put me on Zoloft. I am now taking 150mg a day. I feel so much better, now. I didn't realize how profoundly OCD had been affecting my life until I started getting better.

I saved bags and bags full of plastic Wal-Mart bags--just in case I ever needed them.

I saved every lid off of every juice bottle, squeeze bottle, frozen juice can, and milk jug I purchased.

I saved every glass jar.

I saved every recyclable plastic container--which are still in my garage, by the way.

I had saved bags and bags full of dryer lint. I don't know why, I just thought I might need it one day.

I had boxes and boxes in the garage filled with nothing but boxes. I saved every one.

I saved every paper that every one of my four children ever did in school. I have several boxes in the attic just full of papers.

I saved the disposable lids off of fountain drinks that you buy at the gas station. I also saved all the straws.

I saved every tin can I ever bought. I washed them, removed the labels, and saved them in the garage.