I washed and found a place to put all of these things. My house was very crowded and cluttered.

I had organized all 150 of our videos--they were in alphabetical order, separated as to the company that produced it, and written down on a sheet of paper to keep track of them. I had placed a sticker on the spine of each one with an assigned number and category (action/adventure, comedy, animation, documentary......)

I had to check all the locks in the house 3 times before going to bed. I had to pray that my husband who works nights would get home safely and not die in a car accident on the way home. If he was 30 minutes late and didn't call, I was sure that every ring of the telephone was the State Police with devastating news. I had to pull all the covers off of the bed and check for bugs. If I went to bed without doing these things, I couldn't sleep and I would have to get up and do them so I could sleep.

I would lock the doors of my car at every stoplight, even if they were already locked.

If I went shopping alone, I was always afraid of being attacked. I didn't like to go to parties or get-togethers anymore, because I talk too much and I can't shut up. I know I annoy people. I would just rather stay home.

I used to love to garden, it brought me tremendous pleasure. I found myself avoiding it because my arachnophobia had escalated to the fear of not only spiders, but any kind of insect (except butterflies and ladybugs). Every time I gardened, I ran into a bug of some kind, and it scared me to death.

I didn't always have OCD. I was very sick during the pregnancy of my last baby. I was severely dehydrated. I was in the hospital on I.V.'s for a month, and at home on I.V.'s for another 6 weeks. When I finally got to the point where I could keep food down, I developed gestational diabetes. My baby weighed over 10 pounds. She was my 4th child, and after being in bed for 3 months, my muscles were shot. It was very painful to stand or walk. I was in a lot of pain every day for the last 5 months, and in a wheel chair the last month. When she was born, I hemorrhaged. It took a long time to build back all the blood I had lost, but I had given my doctor specific instructions NOT to give me blood unless I would absolutely die without it. I didn't want AIDS.

I guess being that sick drained my brain. I started saving things, my house became a mess, I was always depressed and overwhelmed. I kept thinking I'd get better, or get over it, but the symptoms just got progressively worse. I am back to my old self again. I am not completely cured, but I have started throwing a lot of those crazy things I saved away. Saving those things had consumed so much of my time! It still hurts to throw the milk jug lids away, but every one I throw out is a win for me.

If I sound like you or anyone you know, please go and see the doctor. You owe it to yourself and to your family. I wasted almost 5 years of my life suffering with this illness, because "only crazy people go to the psychiatrist." If it's embarrassing to you, then you are the only person who has to know--but DO get help.

Jennie

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