Supporting A Person With an Anxiety Disorder

For legal reasons, I should start each sentence with, "in my nonprofessional opinion," or " I have been advised that," or "It is my understanding that..." But to do so would make the section awkward and confusing to the reader. So I have set the section up in, I hope, an easy to read format. You can mentally supply the caveats after reading this official disclaimer.

As you have read under General Description of Anxiety and Panic Attacks, being a support person is something which you cannot take lightly. The ill person has turned to you to be his or her life-line in returning to a "normal" world. Love and sincerity play an essential role, but in addition you must understand what you are doing and why. If, therefore, you have not yet read the descriptions of a panic attack and agoraphobia found on this site, do so soon.

Remember, there are various schools of thought on being a support person. I am giving you what I have heard and found to be most helpful to the people with whom I have worked among on being a support person.

To help you understand why I like this approach, I am going to give you a brief true story of a person I will call Anne.

Anne developed panic attacks about 12 years ago, before panic attacks were more widely known and a variety of treatments became available.

For several years, she looked for a diagnosis and effective help. Eventually both were forthcoming but in the interim she developed severe depression and agoraphobia to the point where she could not leave the house without tranquilizers and a caregiver. Even then, there were times she had to come home without accomplishing her goal, and the failure led to greater depression and more anxiety.

About three years ago, came a change in her thought patterns. Anne realized that by setting a specific location or a specific accomplishment as a goal, she was constantly setting herself up for possible failure. There is a world of difference between "I am going for a walk" and "I am going to try to go to the store."

In the first, the goal is to go for a walk. It may be to the property line or 12 blocks and back; Anne does as much as she feels comfortable doing. In the second case, Anne has to make it to the store or she will have failed. The same is true of any such project. Why make a big thing out of trying to drive to the store when you can be more relaxed just going for a drive and doing whatever you feel comfortable doing? Turn right. Turn left. Come home. Keep going. It doesn't matter. Allowing yourself freedom of choice without feeling pressured or guilty is the key.

After a few weeks, Anne found she was driving greater distances and eventually could set off for a specific location, knowing she had been there before while on her no-pressure drives. She can now drive virtually anywhere. Stoplights and inner lanes are still a bit of a problem, but not enough to force her to use alternate routes.

A number of authors have come to see the effectiveness of this strategy and have referred to it as "giving yourself permission."

Before getting into specific suggestions, there are few points to keep in mind:

1. At all times, be supportive but not condescending.
2. Remember, you are not responsible for your companion's recovery. You are doing what you can but the majority of the healing must come from within.
3. Don't blame yourself if the person has a panic attack or is unable to complete the outing. It's not your fault.
4. Don't feel there is something you must be able to do help the person get over a panic attack. There is little you can do. If at home, the person may want to be held or just left alone. If you are out, he or she may want to just sit for a few minutes or return home.
5. The person you are with is in charge; he or she calls the shots. If she or he wants to abort the outing, abort; to go somewhere other than where you planned, go there. That person, not you, knows what feels most comfortable.
6. After a few outings, try to have someone else come along so that the person you are supporting can begin to feel comfortable with the other person. Eventually, you don't have to be present all the time.
7. Don't wear yourself out. For your own health, there may be times you have to say "no" to a request.
8. You may not understand panic attacks, but never tell the person that it's all in her or his head, that he or she could go out if she or he really wanted to. PA's and anxiety don't work that way.
9. Don't call outings "practices"; "practice" seems not to expect less than success. Since there is no specific goal, how can one fail? Every outing is successful if looked at correctly.
10. As part of your support role you may have to remind the person that backsliding is normal, assure them that they are sane and that they are not having a heart attack or other physical trauma.
11. Don't be upset if you get snapped at occasionally. The person may be very up-tight.