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Its okay to run sometimes, just make sure that you come back. There always seems to be an easy way out of our troubles, but the easy way isn't always the best way. "That's what makes us men," my father used to say.
So try a little research on the problem. It will help you to understand the problem. Its okay to push her, I think, but make to sure to push the love also. It will make things easier for her to swallow. Make sure that she knows that you are her rock no matter what. Also kind of make it a game for yourself to "save" her when the car breaks down. Remember that she is calling her knight in shining armor and maybe there might be a reward for saving your damsel in distress. Sometimes a call for help can turn into an intimate encounter that you wont forget, but you can't tell the kids about.
Most of all though, try to loose the logic thing when dealing with the wife. I have that problem and it is hard for me to turn off sometimes. Remember that if you are dealing with an emotional wife, be an emotional man, and when she is being a logical wife, be a logical man. If you adjust to her, she will adjust to you also. Maybe not overnight-- but she will.
Most important though, take time for yourself to get away from the situation for a day sometimes. In order for you to be strong for her, be strong for yourself. Everybody needs a little healing/quiet/whatever time for themselves. You have to be true to yourself before you can be true to others.
Anyway, enough rambling. Good luck
Shaw
Hi Ken, I have been online (and offline) for a few years now and never knew about your website. I think this is fantastic!
My husband suffers from "Chronic Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia." He was termed disabled 6 yrs. ago but has suffered must of his 31-year old life. We have been married almost 10 yrs. and most of our life together was haunted by panic. It is a very hard thing to watch your spouse go through.
We lived in a very small town and no one knew what panic was. 8 yrs. ago was when it was the worse.11 doctors and a year of testing etc. and him becoming housebound until they finally diagnosed him. Then a year of fighting with agencies to get him some financial support. We still have not found a doctor who could help him, so we have done it ourselves!!!
Success story, here we are! 8-years ago Tom was housebound...actually stuck in 2 rooms (the bathroom and the living room). I was his "safe" person and was stuck w/ him. When I cooked or went into our children's room, he would stand at the door and watch me, very anxious. When I took a shower, he was in the bathroom w/ me. I never left the small 4 room apt for about 6 mos. My family and friends had to do our shopping, our errands, even take our newborn and 2 yr old to the doctor. We could not afford to have a phone. We sold everything but our children's beds and clothes to keep food in their mouths. It was rough time!!!!
Slowly, after those 6 mos., I got Tom to take a step outside the door. The next day 2 steps and so on. It was a very slow process, but over a long period of time, I got him back to a doctor and on his way to recovery. I did so much research because all the docs did not have a clue and he could not travel outside our town. We forced the docs to keep trying new meds while Tom and I worked on behavior modification. Tom would only do so much though before the fear took over.
Well to make a long story short, one day, in fact the 4th of July 1999 (HIS DAY OF INDEPENDENCE!!), he decided that his family and his life was worth more than the panic and he did it--he drove to Buffalo, NY which was a hour away from home. He had tried and tried in the past, but could never make it even half-way. The next day we did it again and then 2 days later we drove 750 miles to my parents in TN!!!! He was finally free! We laughed and cried and went through lots of panic and anxiety but we did it. We have made several trips back and forth. In fact, the end of July, we moved to TN!!
And now after 8 yrs., Tom is working a full time job, a half-hour away from our new home and away from me!! He has learned how to accept panic as part of his life and how to cope w/ it. We have found each other and ourselves again. And yes, I still cry everyday but out of joy instead of frustration now!!!
Please share this w/ panic sufferers and their families to give them hope. There is life w/ panic! And if anyone needs some support, please send them my way. Thanks for listening!
Love and Prayers. DTILRY
next: Helpful Info in the book - Anxiety Disorders: The Caregivers
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