Change Your Attitude! Change 7

Written by Dr. Reid Wilson

Change #7

"I must be certain (that there is no risk.)" to "I can tolerate uncertainty."

Most problems with anxiety relate to a fear of uncertainty.

My educated guess is that the brains of about twenty percent of the population have a more difficult time than the average person in tolerating uncertainty regarding risk. This, of course, can put them at a serious disadvantage, since living demands risk. It is no wonder, then, that so many people develop anxiety problems. They worry because their brain is demanding closure on a specific issue. Their mind says, "This is how it must turn out for me to feel secure. And I must feel secure. Do I know for certain it will turn out this way?" It is as though they require a 100% guarantee that they will encounter zero risk. That is simply too much to ask of life. If you intend to go up against one of the most powerful forces of the natural world -- that is, continual change -- you will have a tough time winning. Listen to these expectations of life and you will see what I mean. The person with panic attacks, phobias or social anxieties asks such questions as:

• "Can I know for certain that I won't have any symptoms?"
• "Can I know for certain that I won't have to leave?"
• "Can I know for certain that I won't feel trapped?"
• "Can I know for certain that this isn't a heart attack?"
• "Can I know for certain that I won't die on that plane?"
• "Can I know for certain that I won't cause an embarrassing scene?"
• "Can I know for certain that people won't stare at me?"
• "Can I know for certain that I won't have a panic attack?"

If we look at a different anxiety problem -- obsessive-compulsive disorder -- we find the same kinds of questions:

• "Can I know for certain that this object is clean?"
• "Can I know for certain that I won't get contaminated if I touch the ground?"
• "Can I know for certain that my family will be safe?"
• "Can I know for certain that I didn't run someone over?"
• "Can I know for certain that I unplugged that iron?"
• "Can I know for certain that I won't kill my child?"

If it is true that some people's brains cause them to feel a strong yet inappropriate need for certainty, then confronting that problem involves disrupting those demanding thoughts. It involves confronting them consistently and directly everyday to produce the change we want. This is where your new attitude comes in. You must find ways to accept risk and tolerate uncertainty.

Stay with me as I explain how this works, because this stance doesn't seem very attractive at first glance. Whatever outcome you fear, work to find a way to accept that outcome as a possibility. For example, imagine that sometimes when you begin to have panicky symptoms you feel a pain in your chest that runs down one arm. Each time it happens, your first thought is, "This could be a heart attack!" Of course you have had one or more medical evaluations by a specialist. Let's also say that all physicians you consult declare you have a strong heart, take good care of yourself and are not at risk of a heart attack.

Nonetheless, as soon as that pain shoots down your arm, you say, "This time it really could be my heart! How do I know? There's no guarantee that this is only panic. And if it is a heart attack, I need help now!"

Further, let's say that you've been learning to reassure yourself as a way to get some perspective on panic. "Look, guy, you've been to the emergency room twelve times in the last two years. One hundred percent of those visits have been false alarms. You know you suffer from panic attacks, and this is what they feel like, too. Take a few Calming Breaths, relax, wait a few minutes. You'll begin to feel better."

The reassurance lasts all of five seconds. Then you're back in the saddle. "But I don't know. I don't know for certain. If this is a heart attack I could die! Right now! There's always a chance."