The second level of challenge

There may be times when you need a different challenge to your negative thoughts. As I suggested earlier, your Negative Observer leads you to feel certain about your inadequacies, and about how bad things are or will become. This second level of challenge is just as simple as the first. Its purpose is to confront your certainty. If you are like most socially anxious people, you have a great deal of conviction about negative assessments. Your mind quickly chooses some negative evaluation without considering any other options. That is what to question: your mind's automatic and rapid decision regarding a negative evaluation. The goal, minimally, is to open your mind to the possibility that you are not absolutely, incontestably, 100 percent, beyond doubt, sure of your conclusion.

It is not necessary that you take on a positive, optimistic view of yourself or your interaction. It is only important that you let yourself consider that there are other points of view. It's possible that something else could occur. It is conceivable that they are thinking something else about you. (Or not thinking about you at all!) Here are some examples of this challenge:

"No one would ever want to go out with me." --> "What evidence do I have?"

"If I raise my hand and she calls on me, then everyone will know how nervous I am, and they will reject me." -->

"Do I know for certain that will happen?"

"He saw my hands shake when I was eating. He knows how incompetent I am." --> "Do I know that for certain?"

"I was so stupid." --> "Does labeling myself improve my performance?"

"I stumbled over that word; I looked like a complete fool up there." --> "Could there be a less harsh way

to describe my behavior? Would I treat a friend this way?"

"I'll never find another job." --> "Am I 100 percent sure?"

"It'll be awful." --> "What is the worst that could happen? How bad is that?"

"He's yawning. The entire audience is bored." --> "Could there be any other explanation?"

Challenging Negative Thoughts

Here are some questions to confront your negative comments:

• Am I positive that this is true? What evidence do I have?
• Do I know for certain that will happen? Am I 100 percent sure?
• Does labeling myself improve my performance?
• Could there be a less harsh way of describing my behavior? Would I treat a friend this way?
• What is the worst that could happen? How bad is that?
• Could there be any other explanations?
• Is this my only opportunity?

By challenging your automatic negative thoughts, by loosening up your grip of certainty, you open the door to tell yourself, "This thought isn't helpful." You can then remind yourself of your positive goals: to learn to perform while you are anxious, to actively engage in your coping skills, to disrupt negative thoughts, and to engage in activities that you have been avoiding.

next: Practice Your Skills