The most powerful question

You must listen for your negative thoughts, and you must disrupt them. However the last thing you want to do is to start arguing with yourself mentally, because your fearful thoughts will tend to win out, since they involve the strongest emotions. The most straightforward way to disrupt these thoughts is to say to yourself, "This is just my Negative Observer talking; I'm not going to listen." Then let those thoughts go and return to your Task. In Step 8 of the Panic Attack Self-Help Program I described this skill, called "Stopping the Negative Observer":

1. Listen for your worried, self-critical, or hopeless thoughts.

2. Decide that you want to stop them. ("Are these thoughts helping me?")

3. Reinforce your decision through supportive comments ("I can let go of these thoughts.")

4. Mentally yell "stop!" (Snap rubber band on wrist.)

5. Begin the Calming Counts.

Of all these steps, the most important for you will be: "Are these thoughts helping me?" Keep in mind the goals of your practice: to learn to perform while you are anxious, to actively engage in your coping skills, to disrupt negative thoughts, and to participate in activities that you have been avoiding. When you question your thoughts, ask if they are helping you reach these specific goals.

Let's see how this works through an example. Let's say your goal is to support yourself as you give one of your first presentations to your office staff.

You say to yourself: "This will never work. Everyone will notice." Is this thought helpful?

You say to yourself: "I won't be able to get my point across." Is this thought helpful?

You say to yourself: "What's wrong with me? I'm just worthless." Is this thought helpful?

You say to yourself: "He's yawning. The entire audience is bored." Is this thought helpful?

You say to yourself: "I should be able to make a statement without mispronouncing words." Is this thought helpful?

Here is the central strategy that makes this intervention so powerful: you are not disputing the accuracy of your thought. You are declaring that, regardless of its accuracy, it isn't helping you. It's hurting you. Some of these thoughts may be partly true. Perhaps a few people will see your hands shake or hear your voice crack. Maybe some audience members won't understand your point. A few others might have little interest in your topic and will feel bored. But if your goal is to support yourself before, during and after your presentation, none of these negative comments further your goal. Don't analyze them, don't embellish them, don't argue with them. Notice them and let them go!

Once you let them go, offer yourself a supportive comment to keep you on track with your Task. The chart below offers a few suggestions.

EXAMPLES OF SUPPORTIVE STATEMENTS

• I'll survive this.
• Remember to breathe.
• Most people will accept it if I make mistakes.
• I can handle disapproval.
• My self-esteem is not based on other people.
• It's OK to be nervous.
• I can handle these symptoms.
• There's no proof I'll fail.
• This is good practice.
• I've done this before.
• I know this topic.
• These people want me to succeed.
• There are many reasons for their behavior

Sometimes your negative thoughts seem so powerful that you feel as though you can't disrupt them with a simple dismissal such as, "This thought isn't helpful." Don't be surprised if you have such trouble for awhile. I encourage you to persist in your efforts to master this skill even when you feel resistant to it. Don't give up on it! You are working to overcome a long-standing pattern, so repetition and a certain degree of tenacity will be important. This particular intervention will be your most powerful ally.