Birthquake Online Conference Transcript - Crisis Recovery

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer

David: One of the things you talk about in your book is the myth of "happily ever after." We are led to believe that the spouse, the kids, the white picket fence and having money is the ideal. In reality, many people don't reach that point, ever! What does that mean?

Dr. Fowles: Frederick Edwards wrote of living on the "deferred payment plan," that's what we do when we hope that some event will lead to us being happily ever after. The truth is that there is no "happily ever after."

adultchile: How can you attend to these sacred aspects when you are doing all you can to just keep breathing and keep a roof over your head? How can you get your perspective back, when you don't feel safe?

Dr. Fowles: It doesn't come with the right partner, job, etc. That's a very good question, one that speaks to my heart. The priority first is to do what you need to do to feel safe. That comes first.

When you are living with anxiety and fear, it is difficult to have a positive outlook or a healthy perspective, so sometimes you have to "borrow" the perspective of others.

This helps you to keep your expectations of yourself modest, to take one step at a time, and trust to the very best of your ability that you'll make your way out of the darkness. Once you begin to feel safer, and that will require work on your part as well as reaching out, your perspective will shift.

David: I want to mention here that we have a very large journaling community, people who keep online diaries of their experiences. It is not only helpful to the journaler, but also to the visitors who come by and discover they are not alone in their feelings.

Dr. Fowles: I highly recommend journaling as well.

David: Here are a few more audience comments on what's been said so far:

Keiki: People don't ever reach "the white picket fence" because they hurt too much inside themselves.

Joyce1704: The truth is, you are as happy as you allow yourself to be. It comes from within. As I know, if you learn to love all the little pleasures, soon the larger problems melt away. In 1962, I suffered a near fatal auto accident resulting in total amnesia. I had to have the faith to start a whole new life. With faith in GOD and Divine intellegence, I built a new life. It wasn't easy.

Pier: We are not human beings trying to become spiritual, we are spiritual beings trying to become human.

Dr. Fowles: I absolutely agree with you Joyce and Pier.

Reenie274: What about the severe traumas we may have encountered in our lives, things that we have yet to resolve. Does this relate to them as well?

Dr. Fowles: Absolutely. Confronting those, very often leads to a Birthquake.

David: Another audience comment:

tjs53221: I journal sometimes. I guess I don't really nurture myself because I keep dwelling on the pain.

Montana: Healing and Growth takes practice, practice, practice and willingness, willingness, willingness!

Dr. Fowles: Absolutely, Montana. Edwin Louis Cole observed, "You don't drown by falling in the water, you drown by staying there." Dwelling on the pain might still be part of the process for you, but you need to move beyond this dear sister. Have you heard of dialoging as a journaling tool?

David: Can you briefly explain that?

Dr. Fowles: Well there are many forms of dialoging. But one that I often suggest is dialoging with our inner wisdom. Each of us contains an enormous storehouse of wisdom that we need only tap into. When we simply write to ourselves, we can get mired in our pain, anger, confusion. If we write to our inner wisdom and then allow that inner wisdom to answer, then we begin to make progress. There is an amazing amount we can learn from ourselves.

David: One thing I want to ask: Concretely, how do you move from beyond the pain to starting the transformation, to the "journey to wholeness" as you describe it?

Dr. Fowles: I think the first step is to ask yourself, "how do I grow from here?" There is no one specific action that each of us can take that works for all of us. I hate to be in pain. I hate to hurt. But when I'm hurting I've learned to ask myself what lessons live along with this pain. What do I need? What must I do? What must I change? etc. James Hillman once said, "Every major change involves a breakdown." What change is this breakdown calling for?

David: I want to thank Dr. Fowles for being our guest tonight and sharing her knowledge and experience with us. And thanks to everyone in the audience for coming and participating. I hope you found it helpful.

Dr. Fowles: I would like to thank you David for providing us with this opportunity to explore this area together. And thank each of you for being here. I sincerely hope you found this chat helpful. Goodnight.

David: Thanks again and good night everyone.

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