Understanding and Working Through Fears - Working Through Fears

Written by Adrian Newington

When the innocent suffer abuse in any form, especially in childhood, a feeling is then associated with an event. (It may or may not remain with conscious awareness), this is the natural action of the Ego. Depending on the nature of the event, there may be so much pain involved, (Physical and/or emotional), that the event can be removed from conscious memory entirely, but will still reside in the unconscious as a lesson. The experience is not forgotten, it is

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stored. Its conscious memory is too painful, but the feelings associated with the event are still relatable, and will influence behavior.

Because of limited worldly experience, children obtain little or no capacity to gain any understanding of a terrible event in their young lives. The issues are unresolved and manifest them selves as behavior patterns linked to past experiences. This is why the counseling of Psychologists and other people who work in guidance and care is so valuable and important. Its purpose is to allow the identification of feelings, and raise forgotten memories back to a conscious level. Since growing into adulthood delivers many understandings of life, the act of bringing these memories to the forefront of thinking enables the person to understand and resolve issues that have been operating from the darkness of unconscious control for so long. The process of discovery and revelation can be painful, but a wonderful new freedom is found as stolen years of innocence are returned. Years of childhood energy become available to the adult, and the Love that never had a chance to fully express itself, bursts forth like a late bloom. The person discovers that they were not bad, the person simply understands, and in that understanding, forgiveness of self becomes instant and automatic. Layer after layer of negative Ego thinking then peel away as the Love that was always within, is finally given a chance to show itself.

A SIMPLE LOOK AT GUILT:

I have always thought guilt to be destructive and limiting, and I admit to have carried its burden as much as the next person, yet to sit down and define it was a very strange task. There was no immediate answer that came to me. I needed to dwell, ponder, and even live out some situations to allow myself a chance to capture whatever I would feel at the moment. I needed to be in "THE NOW" to seize the emotion at hand.

This aspect of Ego thinking called guilt, can be subtly modified with varying degrees of low self esteem. An imagined unworthiness is a negative affirmation which keeps restricting our best intentions. This emotion can be reinforced by an ignorance of facts, and a fear of acting to ones truest feelings.

As I try to think of a past experience, the phone rings. It is a friend of mine who asks me if I can mind her children one evening while she sees her sister perform in a play. I immediately say Yes, but find myself being confronted by a barrage of excuses.

"I tried this and I tried that, I asked her, and I asked them;
blah! blah! blah!...".
I had to interject.
"Cathy! ... I said Yes!."

How marvelous it was that this opportunity came to present itself when I needed it.

"Stop feeling guilty... I'd love to do it."

She paused, but I could feel another wave of excuses about to break so I stepped into the conversation again to quell her concerns.

Cathy's situation highlights an everyday event where fears can cause us unnecessary worry. She new that she could rely on my friendship at any time, (that's why she called me), but she was influenced in a way that made her think she was exploiting me. All Cathy needed to do was to stop for about thirty seconds and examine her thoughts. It would then have become clear that her concerns were totally unjustified. Within herself, she knows she does not exploit people; she knows I would never refuse her help; but Ego thinking guided her actions to bring her a small degree of unnecessary emotional pain which became a reality through unawareness. The pain in this case was only a subtle awkwardness or discomfort, but by looking at the situation in this way, we have enabled the subtleness of her fear to be exposed.

In another example, if I fail to live up to a promise, guilt could bring me a fear of causing someone hardship when my efforts were being relied upon. In this common example, my thoughts have been guided to the value of having someone who can be counted on. If I come to this understanding all by myself, it is a good thing, but if I labour in the service I have offered through guilt projected from the other person, then we are both victims of Ego thinking.

Harbouring feelings of guilt and low self esteem to any degree will manifest itself outwardly in your behavior as you interact with people. These subtle effects are often transmitted in the forms of body language and speech, and also the way in which we react emotionally. We may "Laugh something off"... or we may "Freeze Up" and go cold to someone or something. When we are forced to shelter our truest feelings because of guilt, we then limit the extent of our commitment to many and varied situations.

Imagine meeting someone in the street that you haven't seen for a long time and it suddenly becomes apparent that you never got around to answering their letters. There would be a fear of being criticised for a lack of common courtesy and of offending a friend. Could you see that in this scene, conversation and mannerisms would most probably be withdrawn through guilt, and excuses of having to go somewhere in a hurry would be dispensed.

In yet another example, if you withhold from being yourself through a guilt fear that your truest thoughts and associated actions will not be accepted, then you will only prolong the inevitable encounter that will in time come to light. By not letting others know of your feelings and wants, you deny yourself the expression you NEED... you deny an incompatibility between yourself and other people which cannot go on being masked indefinitely. To limit yourself for the sake of another's comfort while they maintain their own Ego based thinking, is to continue in a cycle of pretence based on a fear of "loss without any chance of recovery."