Getting Off The Rollercoaster

If we consider the Mind as both the instrument of perception and thought, and that perceptions and interpretations require some previous experience or knowledge, the ability to perceive is then an acquired or learnt ability always linked to our personal history.

Our lives are therefore based around a multitude of relational factors which form the frameworks and viewpoints in order for us to interpret or make sense of the world. Naturally, this helps us to function in the world.

Ideally, perceptions should build upon each other to develop into the maturity of adult discernment. The catch is that the perceptions of childhood, (which form the foundation of our thinking) do not naturally or by themselves have the benefit of adult discernment. Only from the ongoing exposure to love, generosity, compassion, positive support and values from parental care does the childhood experience overcome the potential for these immature perceptions to corrupt or undermine the thinking later on in adult life.

I once had an extended visit at a friends house. He led his active life, and allowed me to have full run of the house. I noticed he had a Hi-Fi in the living room but it was not connected or wired up. Upon deciding to listen to some music, I went about connecting all the various modules and connecting the right cables to the right sockets. I finished by plugging in all the electrical power cables except the radio... I just left the power plug draped near the power board. Everything worked and enjoyed the music.

About a week later, my friends son came over for a visit. He decided he'd like to listen to the radio. He noticed the power cable wasn't plugged in so he plugged it in. My friend was amazed and delighted that his son had got his Hi-Fi working and showered him with praise as this proud Father acknowledged his sons cleverness and technical aptitude.

I said nothing. However, later on I found myself slightly put out as I felt a sense of injustice that the recognition was not coming to me.

Very, very strange I thought to myself. Never was there any intention to seek praise... I just got the thing going one day so I could listen to music. But when this show of overwhelming appreciation became manifest, I felt like I was missing out, and I now seemed to be after something that I originally had not intention of obtaining.

I paced back and forth, the mental wheels were rapidly spinning. Ahhh!... I now started to grasp that two things were happening inside me, and it is very much worth our while to discuss it here. The things I were feeling were...

• A sense of injustice.
• A sense for a need of recognition of my ability.

INJUSTICE - RECOGNITION. I had tapped into the beginnings of some important understandings
Many years ago, I might have spoken up to make sure that the recognition came my way as well as the need to set the record straight. I probably would have burned inside until I spoke up. Fortunately those days are long gone, but still lingering was a residual part of my old thinking rearing it's ugly head.

The perception of...

"Hey You!, you didn't acknowledge my ability!... you're the cause of my grief!"

...is not accurately defined in the false belief that an external object (a person) is the cause of my disharmony.

This injustice is in me, just as this need for recognition of ability is in me. Does this mean that people can expect injustice or unjust behaviour from me as a common aspect to my personality? I thought about this very intensely and come up with "No". I know this doesn't equate with my real nature, yet something was not sitting quiet right within me. The more I pursued it the more confusing it became. Such confusion is the opposite of what should be attained through successful self inquiry. I had to initiate a change of tack and began to focus on the 'Recognition' aspect.

More pacing and squeezing of my chin. Slowly an understanding began to filter into my consciousness. The want for recognition was the PRIMARY ISSUE. I had become confused by focusing on a secondary feeling of 'Injustice'. Obviously, for an injustice to be present, something had to make it so. The perceived 'Incorrect Recognition' was the injustice. The 'Recognition' aspect was at the root of this injustice. I was now getting closer to the real issue. This is where the use of "I" came into it. For you and I both, this is an extremely valuable understanding to possess.

You might say that I am just seeking approval, and essentially I would agree with these thoughts, but if it was simply a matter of seeking approval, it would then have to said... "of what?". The notion of approval would once again go back to... "My abilities and best efforts." Once again, the root of the experience contains a direct identification back to me. This is what you should remember as you engage in self inquiry. The correct understanding will not be ambiguous as in the case "seeking approval" for there can always be another question that can go beyond that point. The words "I", "ME" or "MY", or the undisputable sense of the person in question, must always be included in the final analysis.