Do It for Yourself Now! - Emotional Expression Overview

Written by Ilan Shalif, Ph.D.

While on this trip our trash-programs, which are related to the emotional climate of the other, are summoned to the fore and are forced to expose or even surrender themselves to the mending processes of the updating supra-programs. After a few encounters like this, with the mending operation of these supra-programs, they lose a substantial part of their `trashiness' and become available to the regular processes of mending and updating.

Sometimes this is the easiest way to pull out trash-programs that are under heavy layers of cover-programs. It seems that sometimes this is the only way open. The focusing on the emotional expressions of the others is also recommended to those whose trash-programs chronically weaken the emotional expressions of their faces or voices.

In contrast to sensations and feelings that are aroused from within and are available very often, those that are aroused due to our perception of the others are sometimes of singular occurrence only. You are not advised to focus compulsively on those that come from within as they will come again and again.

But, it is highly recommended not to miss any emotion, sensation, or felt sensation that stems from attending to the other person. It is especially so if he, or his expression, is not frequently met.

The importance of these "imported" subjects for focusing is the fact of our not being able to deal with them without the help of other people. Once we encounter them, we cannot be sure when or if we will be able to get in touch with these protected trash-programs again.

Attending to the voices and facial expressions of others can be another part of our "saving program". Whenever we are not too busy and, there are faces and/or voices around, we can scan them and through this, give a quick "once over" to a lot of our own trash-programs.

Sometimes, focusing on the expressions of the other, activates within us an intense or important target for focusing, as well as opening new "hunting ground(s)". Sometimes the focusing arouses in us a strong feeling of identification with the other (called empathy by the professionals). When this occurs, they are always worth a long focusing session.

The contribution of listening to the voices of others and looking at their faces does not only enrich the available content of focusing and the emotional communication one emits, but also enriches our whole emotional life. As the emotional supra-programs are used simultaneously for internal and external communication, the enhancement of the input processes dramatically changes the workings of the system.

The focusing on other people also makes our social life more lively so long as we are sensitive enough to their feedback - verbal and non verbal - about the influence (comfort or discomfort) our activity has on them. If we do not exaggerate direct eye contact, the enhanced attention to the others and their feedback to us, will usually encourage the social climate to become warmer and the relationship with those around us to become more cordial.

Sometimes, intentionally or unintentionally, the other person can take you on a trip to a most unpleasant place or to a very turbulent emotional climate. Whenever you find yourself taken to an unwanted place (or ride), just stop. Curtail the surplus incoming data. You can always avert your gaze, or stop listening, or start to think about something else, or use any other of the emotional attenuation tricks each of us has learnt during socialization.

IV. Second stage - Recycled Emotions (for very advanced focusers only)

The most benefit and the least damage to be derived from the following steps is promised only to experienced focusers. In the course of these steps one can encounter high intensity emotional experiences that only focusers with a few months of training can tackle successfully.

Only a skilled focuser can remember in a time of trouble to use the tactics that enable a swift escape from extreme unpleasant feelings and other felt sensations: i.e. "closing the nape of the neck", "rubbing the palms of the hands" and other means of diverting the attention.

A beginner who "looks for trouble" and tries them prematurely, may find himself loaded with very unpleasant feelings for prolonged periods of time - even for hours and days. And the suffering is not worth it. SO BE WARNED!!!

In addition to the unpleasantness of the invoked experiences, the turmoil the "sleeping demons" may cause when aroused without the suitable precautions may wreak havoc. The supra-programs of the beginners, which deal with strong feelings, are not updated and mended enough. When confronted with these strong and unpleasant feelings and "dangerous" contents, the trash-programs may usually prefer to build new complicated cover-programs, in order to evade the need to tackle the unpleasant ones. SO BE WARNED AGAIN!!!

From a practical point of view, even after a few months training with the sensate focus technique, it is not a good tactic to "invite" (recycle) too intense feelings, emotions or other sensations from the past. Usually, the most benefit is derived when one focuses on a felt sensation of moderate intensity.

The criterion for the decision as to whether a target is inside the moderate range or not is subjective, and changes according to the circumstances. The rule of thumb about the optimum intensity is as follows: "the best target for focusing is the felt sensation, the intensity of which is such - that one can tackle it for a few minutes, without arousing within oneself too strong an urge to escape".

So, refrain from intentionally recycling targets that
you cannot focus on comfortably.

Why to recycle

Often, even when you become used to the new technique and are in the habit of focusing frequently, you cannot extract all that can be exploited from every sensation and experience. Actually, even the most obsessive and arduous focuser does not use more then 20% of the options. Nevertheless, sometimes, on looking back (even after weeks, months or years) one may realize that an important opportunity was overlooked.