THE SHADOW KNOWS

"Only when the lion and the lamb have come together in some area does one begin to glimpse the kingdom within." Janice Brewi and Anne Brennan

The process of individuation (of becoming oneself) which begins the day we're born takes on a greater depth and intensity at midlife. It's from this place of accumulated wisdom, illumination, and experience that we're most likely to come face to face with our shadow. Our shadows' consist of those parts of ourselves that we've repressed, rejected, lost, or abandoned. The person I might have/could have been, and the one I chose not (dared not) to be. Jung called the shadow the "negative side" of the individual, I choose to think of it as the "disowned self." It's the dark side, the silent witness who steps forward from time to time into the light to have its say. Its appearance, while unsettling, brings with it a creative force that offers tremendous opportunities for personal development. If we move toward our shadow, rather then turn away, we can discover tremendous strengths from within our depths. Reclaiming lost and buried parts of ourselves will most likely require some excavation, however the buried treasures available to those willing to dig deep are well worth the dark journey into the unknown.

According to Janice Brewi and Anne Brennan, authors of, "Celebrate Midlife: Jungian Archetypes and Mid-Life Spirituality," there are two possible catastrophes at midlife. One is to deny the presence of the shadow and hold on firmly to one's life style and identity, refusing to surrender old, or acknowledge new aspects of one's personality. This fear to risk, and determination to maintain the status quo -- freezes one's personal development, and deprives the individual of valuable opportunities for growth. "One can die at forty and not get buried until ninety. This would surely be a catastrophe."

The other catastrophe according to Brewi and Brennan, would be to acknowledge one's shadow, and declare everything about one's current self and life style as a lie. Individuals who respond to their shadow by throwing out all of the now rejected old, in order to be completely free to experiment with the more titillating new, often sabotage their development and risk catastrophic losses.

"You always become the thing you fight the most." Carl Jung

James Dolan suggests that one of the most obvious ways that we can detect the presence of the shadow is in the sense of depression that so many of us feel. This depression, from his perspective, is connected to our sorrow, our rage, our lost dreams, our creativity, and so many other facets of ourselves that we've denied.

Finding oneself is not purely about embracing the desired, or rejecting the unpleasant. Instead, it's about examination and integration -- exploring what fits, letting go of what doesn't, embracing the gifts that we've lost or abandoned, and weaving the various strands of the self together to create a whole and unified tapestry.

The years following young adulthood offer as many if not more prospects than our often-romanticized youth promised. Opening ourselves up to these possibilities by reclaiming or modifying old visions or by creating new dreams, fosters hope, excitement, discovery and renewal. Focusing on the "did have/might have/could have/should have been's" only leads to prolonged and unnecessary suffering.

It's impossible to arrive at midlife without being scarred. As Mark Gerzon points out in his book, "Listening to Midlife, "None of us reaches the second half whole...Our health depends on beginning to heal these wounds and finding greater wholeness - and holiness in the second half of our lives."

According to Djohariah Toor, a spiritual crisis can be described as "an intense interior shift that involves the whole person. Generally it's the result of some major imbalance that occurs when our personal and relational problems have gone unchecked for too long." From my perspective, it's clearly a crisis of spirit that brings the first rumblings of the quake. Regardless of what specifically initiates a Birthquake, the process will involve a significant degree of suffering. For those who are traumatized, the road to recovery can be a long and difficult journey. There are lessons we learn along the way however, if we chooses to embrace them. And significant gifts await the traveler brave enough to keep on moving forward. Many seek the wisdom of a guide when life becomes uncertain. For some lucky individuals, such a wise and supportive person is ready and willing to offer assistance. Others, however, can spend a lifetime waiting for the right teacher to arrive who will lead them directly to the answers. All too often, the rescuer never shows. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, author of "Women Who Run with the Wolves" points out that life itself is the finest of teachers saying:

"Life is the teacher that shows up when the student is ready... Life is often the only teacher we are given that is perfect in every way."

Estes reminds us that our own lives are a source of tremendous wisdom. Our memories, our experiences, our mistakes, our disappointments, our struggles, our pain - everything that makes up a life offers valuable lessons to those who choose to acknowledge them.