If a woman chooses to work and parent at the same time, it doesn't necessarily mean that she'll compromise the well-being of her child. But she will give up something. In many cases it means giving up time for herself - time to nurture her other relationships, and to develop significant aspects of her inner life. It may not be fair, but it's true.

If a woman chooses not to bare children, it doesn't mean that she's robbing herself of her biological right or forsaking her duty. It does mean that she'll miss certain experiences that many women hold sacred. She can't simply replace them with additional adventures and opportunities, but she can be fulfilled and complete without them.

If a woman chooses to stay at home with her children, it doesn't mean that she'll automatically be a better parent than her working peers, or that she'll stop growing. It does mean in most cases that she and her children won't be able to spend money as freely as those families who possess two incomes, but she'll have more choices regarding how she spends her time.

If a man decides to abandon the fast track in order to pursue another calling, it doesn't automatically follow that he'll die poor, any more than it guarantees that he'll live happily ever after. It does mean that he's not as likely to possess the financial and material options of his corporate brothers, but he will most likely possess a sense of freedom that most of those he left behind can only hope for in retirement - if they live that long.

There are no simple answers. No perfect path to follow. There is no way to obtain "everything" and give up "nothing." We all understand that intellectually, and yet somehow many of us are still trying to figure out how to get around this fundamental truth.

Lilly Tomlin, the comedian perhaps best known for her portrayal of the precocious little "Edith Ann," quipped, "If I'd known what it would be like to have it all, I might have settled for less."

But I wasn't raised to "settle." My generation which has been touted the largest, most educated, and most advantaged group in the history of the United States, has been born and bred to expect the riches and opportunities we were promised. And we struggle to claim them long after Bob Welch reported in More to Life Than Having it All, that according to two separate studies published in Psychology Today, we are five times more likely to be divorced as our parents, and ten times more likely than our elders to be depressed. We keep scrambling for more, and more is what we have ultimately gotten, I guess…

We want the 'good life' we've heard so much about. Interestingly, while the notion of the 'good life' seems to be deeply implanted in our generation's psyche's, it's origin stems from the dreams of those who came before us, and meant something entirely different from what so many of us have come to yearn for. The world was introduced to the concept of the 'good life' by such long gone seekers as William Penn, Thomas Jefferson, Henry David Thoreau and Wendell Barry. And it appears that their vision was very different than our own turned out to be. To them, the 'good life' represented a lifestyle based on simplicity; not materialism, on personal freedom; not acquisition, on spiritual, emotional, and interpersonal development; not net-worth. We lament that we too value those things even as we scramble to put large screen televisions with stereo sound, and computers on our tables.

Do I sound harsh? Judgmental? Forgive me please. You see, more than anything else, I'm conducting an argument with myself in your presence. I'm attempting to set myself straight, which typically involves great vigor and drama. It's never been easy for me to change, and that's what I'm trying to do these days. Change my attitude, my perspective, my lifestyle, and my direction… I never did like to walk alone, and so here I am once again attempting to get you to walk along with me. Never mind that I've gotten lost on more than one occasion. Just keep me company.

I've altered my path significantly in the last few years, and I won't tell you that the rewards have been tremendous, (although they often have) or that I don't look longingly at my neighbors life from time to time (is that a new car they have in the garage again? I ask, as we attempt to keep our 1985 model running). One day I'm sitting in my rocker gazing at the crepe Myrtle trees we just planted, feeling a sense of satisfaction and gratitude. The next morning I'm dreaming that my book has been published and has been well received, leaving me free of the financial concerns that periodically plague me. I'm feeling good that I'm more available to my daughter one minute, and shooing her away while I attempt to pump out more words on my computer screen the next. You see, I'm far, far from finished and settled into this new life plan of mine. And I still want more, but now I'm settling for less, and striving for different things.

Who ever it was that said, "You get what you settle for" got my attention, and those words still touch me today. I got plenty in my old life, and I settled for more. More stress, and less time; more responsibilities, and less peace of mind; more materials, and less satisfaction; more money for play, and fewer opportunities to enjoy what I had; larger Christmas presents for my daughter, and smaller portions of my energy.