The next day while lying on the couch with my daughter, it occurred to me that this had been the first time we had simply lain together for most of the day, watching cartoons, telling stories, reading books, and snuggling. I chose to count the blessings of this experience, and to my surprise, I was able to identify more than I would have thought possible. I smiled for the first time in days as I acknowledged that I had indeed been strengthened.

"The giant oak is an acorn that held its ground." - Anonymous

In "Legacy of The Heart: The Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood," Wayne Muller notes that those who've suffered in childhood, while bearing painful scars, invariably exhibit exceptional strengths; including remarkable insight, creativity, and a profound inner wisdom. He challenges such individuals not to perceive themselves as broken and damaged, nor to eliminate parts of themselves, but rather to strive to reawaken that which is wise, whole, and strong within them. In working with victims of childhood trauma, he observed that while still haunted by their past, they also develop an acute sensitivity to others as well as a tendency to seek beauty, love and peace.

" Seen through this lens, family sorrow is not only a painful wound to be endured, analyzed and treated. It may in fact become a seed that gives birth to our spiritual healing and awakening"

It's been my experience that this is often the case with survivors of childhood trauma. While not all such individuals that I've worked with possess the characteristics Muller so respectfully describes, I'm almost always struck by the strength and depth of these people. Each person has brought to therapy unique skills and abilities developed to a significant degree by the very pain they sought to escape.

Muller assures the reader that suffering and pain are not exceptions to the human condition. Instead, they are inevitable threads in the tapestry of life. He cautions not to become trapped by memories of childhood suffering, thus allowing the suffering to become the one thing that is the truest about our lives. He also points out that many of us would prefer to explain our hurt rather than feel it. He advises that we accept the pain we are given and identify the lessons it will inevitably teach if we only look and listen, particularly to the wisdom contained within the depths of our own souls.

"The Japanese poet Kenji Miyazawa left us a powerful image of dealing with pain when he said that we must embrace pain and burn it as a fuel for our journey." Matthew Fox

While I don't under any circumstances wish to minimize the pain of another, nor suggest that he or she be grateful for suffering, I do believe that in order to empower another, it's important that the value of all experiences in a person's life be acknowledged. While there are many experiences I would have adamantly refused to struggle with in my own life had I been given the choice, to deny the value of the message in spite of how painful the lesson or unwelcome the messenger, only serves to add insult to injury. If one has no choice but to toil on a particular path, at the very least - claim every available compensation along the way.

"Some part of our being longs to join a small band of our brothers and sisters on a daring and intrepid quest." - Carl Sagan

My friend Victoria phoned the other night. Our friendship has spanned over 15 years, and now since I've moved to South Carolina must reach over a thousand miles. I miss her. She's consistently provided me with comfort and inspiration, and I've long admired her commitment to live her values. What she believes in - is what she acts on. She calmly witnessed and supported Kevin and myself during our difficult period of transition. It appears that she now may be entering her own. I attempt to reassure her over the telephone. I share with her that while the period before we moved away was difficult, I seriously doubted we would have mobilized ourselves to make the necessary changes in our lives without the pain. It's so often easier to remain in a familiar rut than to leave its security and venture out into the unknown.

"New Life comes from decay, from what is undesirable, from a 'stench.'"

- Janice Brewi and Anne Brennan

Suffering has often proven to be a catalyst for growth in my own life. In an attempt to avoid dealing with my childhood agonies, I turned to reading as an escape. It was my discontentment and a desire to flee poverty that prompted me to attend my first college class. Later, it was only after my husband and I had separated for nine months, that I braved Graduate School. Because I myself had experienced despair, I was able to understand and assist others in dealing with their own. It was the numerous mistakes and contradictions in my own character which helped me not to judge the failings of another. The more often I fell, the less likely I was to look down upon someone else who had lost his or her balance. And it was only after surviving again and again the disappointments in my life that I came to understand that it's in each of our nature's to recover. Healing is a natural process.