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SML: I believe in the evolution of consciousness as one of the reasons for life so I saw that statement as saying that having faith and loving in and of themselves have a purpose in the grander scheme of things and they may be even more powerful in times of great pain when it might be reasonable, and certainly easier, to rail against the injustice of God. I don't know if other people would resonate with it the same way but it gives a deeper purpose to something than just my own personal experience.
Dr. Orloff: It's something for people to contemplate.
SML: Another thing I thought about is that in other cultures in the past and even the present, maintain rituals where the family prepares the body for burial in a loving way. In our culture we consign these rituals to the undertaker.
Dr. Orloff: Exactly. In other culture the body is washed, dressed in robes that beautify, and loved. When my mother died my instinct was to hug her body. But no one was touching her so I thought there was something wrong with it. Then when my father died I just knew I had to stay with his body. I spent about an hour just touching him and letting go of him, preparing him in some way. Grief work can be facilitated by spending time with the body. Some people don't want to touch the body but if they do it's a beautiful way to say good-bye to the physical form.
SML: We're rather repulsed by it in this culture.
Dr. Orloff: Yes, but for me the grieving was so helped by being able to put my head on my father's chest and not hear his heart beat. That was a closure for me. It was important. Hopefully this article will give people permission to do these kinds of things so they can ease their own grief and gain closure.
SML: While I was reading your book I took lots of notes -- until I got to the section on sexual awareness. In fact, I was almost dreading getting to that part of the book.
Dr. Orloff: Really?
SML: Yes. Some of the relationships I've had were just so painful, especially the last one, that I felt like, as you mention in the book, my "veil was torn". There's a part of me that feels I'm never going to have a relationship with a man again. Is there a way to repair that veil?
Dr. Orloff: Yes, of course. It regenerates itself through self-love. It absolutely does. I'm a big believer in keeping the heart open. I know what that's asking and I am fully aware that many people decide they don't want to love again because of how hurt they are. That's a path that might cause one to shut down. But it's your decision. There certainly are times for not being in a relationship for a while or perhaps never again. If your intuition is saying never again you have to trust that and try to love in different ways. There's no right or wrong. You have to do what your soul wants. If you ever feel a longing again to get involved, or that the shutting off is inhibiting you then healing work needs to be done. If you're feeling fine then you stay that way.
SML: I guess the chapter on sexual wellness was such a hook for me because I associate sexual wellness with sex so I though, well, this doesn't apply to me when, in fact, it does.
Dr. Orloff: I want to make the strong point that you don't have to be in a relationship to be erotic and sexual. It's part of our birthright as intuitive beings connected to the Earth. We can be madly erotic and sexual and never have intercourse. I know many women in particular who haven't been in relationships for a long time who feel their sexuality is on hold and it's just not necessary.
SML: One of the things that concerns me is the health of the Earth. How can we heal ourselves when the Earth is so polluted and degraded? There is a relationship between the health of the Earth and the health of our bodies and our spirits.
Dr. Orloff: Yes, there's an intimate relationship. Intuitively we are connected with all living things and so we can't help but feel the ravages of the Earth. You can't help but see the parallel in the prevalence of auto-immune diseases, for example. But human beings have an infinite capacity to regenerate and love is the key. If we work on loving ourselves and healing our bodies this will reflect to the Earth, too. There's an invisible, intuitive interconnection, an interspecies connection. You have to really know it and live it in the minutia of every day life. The more we live it, the more healing occurs.
Susan Meeker-Lowry is a writer who lives the White Mountains in Fryeburg, Maine with her family. Dr. Orloff's website can be found at www.drjudithorloff.com.
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next: Interviews: On Forgiveness An Interview with Dr. Sam Menahem
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