Sometimes it seems like the hardest thing in the world to get along with your child, especially if he or she is diagnosed as Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). There are many times when you go through long periods of walking on eggshells because your child is so oppositional. You don’t seem able to agree on anything. During these periods, it's difficult to imagine that times could ever be good again. However, even though these children can be the devil themselves to get along with, there are ways to alleviate the stress a little.

One of the first things to do is to establish ground rules when the child is young and stick to them.

Although ADD/ADHD children tend to overstep more boundaries than the average child, you need to remain firm, yet show a loving attitude when boundaries are overstepped. This will help your child to know there are clear boundaries in place. I know it can be really difficult, but if your child errs, try never to put them down or demean them by verbal abuse or name-calling. This is easier said than done, I know, but it is possible to train yourself to take a deep breath when you too feel like you are going to 'lose it'.

Try to promote good self-esteem.

This is paramount if you are to make any progress with your ADD child. Likewise you must express this to your child's teachers. They must not be made into scapegoats at school, just because it is easier. By using a positive attitude instead of a punitive one, this helps to maintain the child’s self-esteem.

Even though sometimes you might feel pushed to the edge of distraction by your child's inexplicable behavior, always remember to praise and reward the good things they do. Even if it is something simple they have achieved, such as fastening their shoelaces correctly, or remembering to take their plate into the kitchen, make a note of it. Let them know you have noticed their success.

Accept that you are going to have to repeat instructions.

When instructing your child, each time you have to tell them something, say it as though it was the first time, without getting impatient. Ensure you make eye contact, if necessary, asking the child to look you in the eye first. Speak clearly and a little slower than usual and if you think they didn’t "get it" ask them to repeat back to you what you have asked them to do. If they complete the request within a reasonable time, you can reward them with praise. "I appreciate how quickly you did that", "good job son" or " I like the way you did that" does wonders for the self-esteem, and encourages further motivation.

One of the very best ways to help your child is to educate yourself on their condition.

This way you can accept your child's ‘difference’ and this makes it much easier to overlook things they can’t control. Understand that they will probably have planning and organization difficulties. Forgive their absent-mindedness and if you need them to do something, only request them to do one thing at a time. Don’t expect perfection. If you do, you will be sorely disappointed. If their room is reasonably tidy, or they have at least made the effort to tidy the dinner table, leave it at that and praise them for what they have done, not what they haven't.

Bear in mind which strategies work with your child and which don’t.

If you do find a technique that solicits a good response in your child stick to it. On the other hand, don't be surprised if you have to use a combination of techniques to manage your ADHD child. These kids are not consistent, so what works on one occasion might not work on the next.

Good luck.

next: The Wild Child Website ADD / ADHD Personal Stories