The following is a FANTASTIC article which (I feel) every teacher ought to read. Not only does the article include excellent advice for anyone trying to work with our kids, but some brilliant advice and many ideas for parents too. A stunning article:- Gail

taken from notes taken during a presentation by Patricia Hart to The Greater Rochester Attention Deficit Disorder Association

Pat introduced herself as one who works with teachers, administrators and agencies. She was here to share information she'd gathered "over the years" in her dealings with conflict cycles which were not necessarily rooted in ADD cases.

After her introductory remarks, Pat asked us to consider the difference between when a child was Acting UP as opposed to Acting OUT. Acting up, she explained, could be considered impulsive but the child would be in a rational state of mind. As such, the child would likely respond to directives and warnings and it would be possible to have the inappropriate behavior stop. Acting out, however, is driven by feelings - an emotional state of mind. In this case, warnings can escalate the behavior. Pat acknowledged it is sometimes difficult to tell the difference.

Adults and children can react quite differently as they use different levels of thoughts. Adults and kids differ significantly in the way they use perceptive skills, thinking, feelings and behavior. It is important to know and understand these differences.

Consider the following as "stress-producing" situations in the classroom:

• Not understanding teachers' directions.
• Not understanding the content of an assignment.
• Boredom.
• Failing an exam (a major event for a child).
• Not having appropriate materials i.e. textbook, notebook, pencil, etc., even though the teacher may have extras (disorganization).
• Expectations beyond a child's capacity.
• Teasing and personal put-downs by peers.
• Personal character attacks.
• Being blamed for something you didn't do.
• Not being called on or chosen for a game, etc.
• Not enough time to finish homework/assignments.
• Conflict carryover from a previous event.
• Group pressure to conform.

Pat then played a portion of a video as an example of a conflict cycle asking us to observe this classic power struggle from a teenagers point of view. This illustrated a cyclic situation involving students' self concept and irrational beliefs. The cycle of events included:

1. A stressful incident.
2. A students' feelings in reaction to it.
3. A students' observable behavior.
4. An adult or peer's reaction which "added fuel to the fire". This created a higher level of stress for the child (return to #1 above) and the cycle repeated with the level of intensity building each time.

If one of the parties "pushes" and the other "pushes back", Pat noted this was an indication we were missing the opportunity to address the feelings and the cycle of adversity was off and running. Pat suggested we have to get behind the feelings so they don't escalate to behavior. One way was to have the child verbally express their feelings. The child often can't get out of the cycle by themselves as they're too emotionally involved in the situation. In these cases, the adult has to break the cycle. One of Pat's handouts addressed the Three Keys to Effective Listening:

Focus your attention: Show by your actions that the speaker is the center of your attention. Focusing means maintaining a comfortable level of eye contact and leaning forward to show interest.

Tune in to understand: Listen so you clearly understand the speaker's point of view. Listen not only for what is being said, but also how it is said, and watch for the body language that goes with it.

Ask for more information, opinions, and feelings: Ask questions to help you better understand the speaker's point of view. To make sure you understand key points, occasionally rephrase what you think you've heard. "It sounds like you were really frustrated," or " Are you saying she's not your friend anymore?" Rephrasing allows a child to "rehear" what he or she is communicating - and then, if necessary, clarify any misunderstandings.